The Demented RISK Game That Is American Geopolitics

My trusty old RISK board

We are in the middle of World War 3, or what Will Schryver more accurately calls The Last World War. The last industrial war before the end of industrial civilization. Regardless of the shared threat of a collapsing climate, America still insists on threatening everybody out of sheer muscle memory and cussedness. America insists on playing what Kipling called the great game of imperialism, long after everyone has grown up. Ever since the 'end' of World War II, America has kept playing RISK: The Game Of World Conquest.

I used to play a lot of RISK, back when I was young and had six hours to waste. It's a very simple game with no particular nuance. The objective of RISK is “To eliminate your opponents by occupying every territory on the board. The first player to do so wins the game and conquers the world.” RISK is a very simple game which unfortunately describes the statecraft of the sociopath simpletons in America. Not content with ruling in the background, they want to take entire continents, humiliate their allies, and genocide rebellious populations in front of everyone.

So as we enter year 23 of The Last World War, the White Empire has revealed itself in America, the Reds have resurged via China, Russia is back in Blue, and Iran is leading the Greens. These are the players and the whole board is in play, borders are in flux, genocides are happening, as is tank warfare across the steppes of Ukraine. If you anger Hitler and give a shit about colored people and Slavs, World War III has already started. As we've angered the Gods, this will be the Last World War, the last industrial war before industrial civilization collapses. So here's the state of the board in the brief historical period before mother nature flips the whole table over:

The modern RISK board

In this map, White Empire has conquered North America, Europe, Australia, and neutralized South America and Africa. Donald Trump merely calls out the obvious, that Denmark is America's bitch and that they own Greenland, that the Canucks is just their cuck state up north, and that anybody weak like Panama is just ripe for the picking. In RISK terms America is taking all of North America and already has Europe (and its ‘bonus’ NATO armies). To finish the game, White is trying to conquer Asia, using Ukraine, 'Israel', and Taiwan as beachheads. Asia, however, has other ideas, because Blue (Russia), Green (the Muslim world), and Red (China) are still playing (thank God).

Thus, Blue has pushed back by conquering half of Ukraine and breaking Europe. One of the rules of RISK is that you have to occupy a whole continent to get its ‘bonus armies’ and White has effectively lost Europe as a productive asset this way. Europe is deindustrialized, demilitarized, and its governments are despised and falling all over.

Green is also resolutely resisting and White has to keep fighting over the Middle East over and over. Despite spending trillions of dollars genociding, besieging, couping, and generally destabilizing the place, White cannot hold it. Iran is resolutely independent, Yemen has taken the Red Sea, Afghanistan is undefeated, and Palestine and Lebanon are still struggling to be free. White can still destroy lives from Libya to Sudan (via the UAE) to Syria, but they simply cannot eliminate Green (ie, Islamic) resistance.

This is is a strategic shame for them, because defeating Red is actually White's priority. But they can't even get to that side of the board without getting punched a hundred times and losing their ammunition. Red is following the dictum, do nothing, win or as Napoleon said, when you're opponent is fucking themselves, don't interrupt. America managed to suppress communism almost everywhere, but they missed the most populous nation in the world, China, and now they're a productive superpower that leads the world in every way that matters (except bullying). America still has beachheads encircling the Reds from Japan to South Korea to Taiwan (you can see the point of the Vietnam War now), but these are all useless while they're preoccupied elsewhere.

To sum it all up, White has reached the limits of its power, Blue is showing those limits, Green (the Muslim world) has rebelled and Red (China) is doing nothing and winning. The fact is that none of these countries want to play RISK at all, they simply want to exist where they are and take care of their own people. Russia, Iran, and China would happily trade with America for the rest of the century, but America wants to roll the dice and try to take it all this decade. So here we are. In a real-life RISK game, with a real risk of global thermonuclear war.