I fasted for Ramadan last year because Gaza was starving. I'm still fasting because they still are, but also because it stills my grieving heart. I now find great comfort in Ramadan, in a world gone cruel and hard.

During Ramadan, I wake up at five, which means I go to bed early. I pray four times a day (supposed to be five), which means I get up and move around. I read a physical book every day, the Quran. I eat one meal a day. I don't drink or smoke at all. These are all healthy things shirk science tells you to do, taking the long way around as always.

I, as a Buddhist, started fasting and reading the Quran to better understand the Resistance. My father, as an atheist, once told me to read the Bible to understand western literature, and so I read the Quran to ‘orientalize’ myself. It is impossible to understand Islamic movements like Hamas or Hezbollah without understanding Islam, and it's impossible to condemn them once you do. Islam is not at all a violent religion, but it's not silent in the face of injustice. It has a very clear and very honorable idea of self-defense, which is all these people are doing.

As a coward, however, I've died many times before my death already. Just witnessing real heroism against Western Satanism has left my self needing some defense of its own. Being unfortunately Westernized, I self-soothe through self-sabotage. Drugs, alcohol, mass distractions like football. Anything but the right path which, though obvious, is just too hard. Unlike the Resistance I generally take the path of least resistance, which is dissolution and distraction. I fell into this immediately after last Ramadan, and will probably lapse again, but it's good to have a break from breaking down.

I now understand why Muslims call Ramadan a blessed month. I used to think it a burden on my Muslim friends, but I didn't understand at all. Now people ask me if fasting is hard and I say no, it actually makes everything easier. The act of disciplining diet makes other appetites quiet down. The ambit of just one month makes it doable, and the division of days into prayer times even more so. It's just a day at a time and a month in total. This time I didn't even notice the time passing and it's almost up. They say Satan is on the chain during Ramadan and it sure feels like it (besides, of course, the Great Satan, which never lets up).

The people of Gaza are of course still starving, still suffering, still bearing more than any human can bear, and then more heaped on top. My friends in history like Nasrallah are still dead, and it still hurts to think about them. I still have a lot of questions for Allah, but I don't question God. Allah says this life is but the blink of an eye, before the judgement day to come. So They say, “If you want to retaliate, retaliate to the same degree as the injury done to you. But if you are patient, it is better to be so. Endure with patience; truly, your patience is possible only with the help of God. Do not grieve for them, or feel distressed because of their plottings, for God is with those who are righteous and those who do good.” So I just ask for help for the helpless, and strength to those who struggle. I don't ask for anything for myself, but I get it. I feel some peace in a time of war.