It’s Definitely Time For Bond To Die
Even Daniel Craig is tired of this asshole, and it shows
//all spoilers, all the time
Daniel Craig is a visibly old and visibly bored James Bond. Dude is as tired of playing this imperialist fuckboi as we are of watching him. Craig is 53 years old and Bond is 68. They should both be at home, not out embarassing people by getting in fights and letching on young girls.
This 2021 Bond actually spends much of the movie driving his kid around and making breakfast, which is what a fucking 53 year old should be doing. He still does the killing and car chases, but this Bond is obviously thinking about a good bowl of soup. Dude is retired.
No Time To Die is definitely the right time for Bond to die. It’s a mercy killing, really.
It’s not just the actor. Times have changed.
Nobody’s rooting for British Intelligence these days. They’re the baddies. All the military materiel on display in this film is actually being used against the poor people of Yemen. The Belmarsh Prison where the movie is shot is actually holding Julian Assange capitive. The Royal Navy that saves the day is actually being used against rubber boats full of migrants. Who believes this shit anymore?
Who even believes in British intelligence anymore? There’s this hilarious scene where Ralph Fiennes says he needs to call the Prime Minister, then you think about the actual Prime Minister. What the fuck is Boris going to do?
No Time To Die does make some concessions to modernity but it just doesn’t fit in a film which is—by definition—old. This time Bond doesn’t even sleep withe anybody, except in flashback. Instead his daughter wakes up, kills the mood, and Bond spends the entire third act driving her to activities, which a grown man should be doing.
The whole thing is a category error. You end up with weird scenes of a super-villain babysitting, and he actually does alright. If anybody could keep my kids quiet like Rami Malek I’d be impressed.
Why is Rami’s character evil? I dunno. He has no real nationality or organization, I can’t even remember his name. He’s just disfigured, which is a really harmful shorthand for evil in the Bond universe.
The whole Evil Montessori plotline finishes when Baby Bond bites the villain’s thumb and he just lets her go. That’s it. Bond spends the rest of the movie finding her cuddly toy.