How America Became A Dog Shit Democracy

By failing to convict Trump, America has condemned itself

A healthy democracy expels its own shit. South Korea has convicted ALL of its living ex-Presidents, South Africa removed Jacob Zuma, Lesotho, France, Ukraine, Peru — this shit is regular, as it should be. American democracy, however, is severely impacted. Congress could not convict Donald Trump for attacking… Congress. This is not a sign of a healthy democracy. This is a sign that y’all dead.

Americans love thinking that they’re this grand old democracy, but no, no, you’re young and you suck. America didn’t have universal franchise until 1965, well behind over 50 other democracies. Even what you have now is some racist Rube Goldberg machine. WTF is an Electoral College, and why?

American Democracy Is Only 55 Years Old
That’s why it’s so messed up now. You’re young

American democracy is, in fact, exceptionally fragile and exceptionally shit. Other democracies have problems, but not like this. Please note these two basic idiocies.

  1. Why was Trump President at all? He never won a popular vote.
  2. Why was he President for months after losing? Did Biden have to ride a horse across America?

Y’all are not having a normal one. You never were. Americans got confused between having money and having a good democracy, and you do not have a good democracy. It’s not Trump. This whole system is shit.

American democracy was sick before Trump, but now it’s legitimately dead. Congress had a chance to vote on whether killing Congress was OK, and they were like yeah, it’s fine. What the actual fuck is wrong with you people? Forget spineless. American leaders lack the preservation instincts of an amoeba.

Americans think they can somehow ignore this and go back to normal, but no. Your normal is shit, and if you don’t prosecute bad leaders, even worse ones will follow. If you give a mouse a failed coup, pretty soon he’s going to take your head. Civilized countries prosecute and remove their leaders for a reason. It’s difficult but it’s much better than the alternative, which is your democracy becoming constipated with corruption and dying.

If you can somehow remove yourselves from the mythology of being the best and see the reality that YOU’RE ON FIRE, perhaps you could learn from your elders.

Digital art by smearballz
Is South Africa some bastion of clean democracy? Generally no, but compared to America, absolutely, yes.

South Africa

Take South Africa. By all accounts a hotbed of corruption, they’re at least experimenting with water. After years of aggravation, Jacob Zuma’s party finally removed him. The Zondo Commission somehow has the ability to investigate the state. Is South Africa some bastion of clean democracy? Generally no, but compared to America, absolutely, yes.

South Africa’s ANC turned on Zuma for far less than physically attacking them. Meanwhile Trump has actually attacked Congress, and Congress voted to give him a pass. This may even become a tradition, Congress barricading itself inside to certify election results before the mob arrives. America is in worse shape than South Africa right now, because America isn’t even trying.

Perhaps South Korea could return the favor and bomb some democracy into America now.

South Korea

America should really be following the leader of the free world, South Korea. South Koreans have convicted all of their living ex-Presidents. You can really tell how free a people are by how many of their former rulers are convicted, and Korea is at 100%.

This is important to Koreans. President Moon Jae-In ran on and spent a shit-ton of political capital setting up the Corruption Investigation Office (CIO) to do more. While Americans have legalized corruption (speaking fees, $10,000 a plate dinners, revolving doors), Korea is building legal structures to fight it.

It’s literally the difference between washing your butt and just wiping it with paper (why you do this?). American politics is dirty and they don’t even know it.

White People, You Need To Wash Your Butts
Toilet paper is not enough


America’s core problem is that they don’t think they have a problem. Just look at the Biden administration today. Y’all are relieved, but your normal level of corruption is staggering. Just look at Biden’s cabinet. An arms dealer is Defence Secretary and the Treasury Secretary has taken $7.2 million in bribes. Your press, however, just reports that they’re black and female, respectively. Like, great, you’ve diversified corruption.

America does not live in a democracy. You live in an oligarchy. Just look around. Your democracy doesn’t fucking work. Nobody else waits for hours in line to vote, or sees our post boxes disappear before an election. This is not normal. Returning to what you call normal is just returning to fucked.

Just look at this one graph, spanning 33 years.

US Presidential vote totals

Republicans have only won one Presidential vote since 1988. And yet in that time Republicans have ruled for 12 years. Eight of those after losing elections. This isn’t Trump attacking your system. This is your system attacking you.

Now you have a trial in a Senate where Democrats representing 41.5 million more people get completely rolled on. What the actual fuck is your Senate and Electoral College? Why do leaders and laws need to get ratified by land masses? This is not a democracy at all. It’s some fucked up board game. Get Klaus Teuber to redesign it pls.

America Is Not A Democracy. It’s A Game
I hate to break it to you, but your democracy sucks

This is not fine. Y’all are not going to be OK. We look back on Weimar Germany as limp cabbage in the face of fascism, but y’all worse than them. Germany at least convicted Hitler in 1924 before he fucked them up properly in 1932. Y’all can’t even convict your fascists once. You have to expel the shit in your system or your system just becomes shit. This is basic.

As anyone with an old dog could tell you, when a creature stops pooping, it’s going to die. You don’t need to be a political scientist to understand this, just ask a vet.