𑁨 | The First Fuck

The great Bahubaali carrying a Shiva Lingam past a thundering waterfall. For his mama

... I'd like to talk about my primordial parents next. I take communion with them every day still. Water and salt.

The first instance of fucking, the first ejaculation, was water splashing on rock. The Earth was a bunch of hot-ass, melty rocks and gas until it cooled down enough for a rock monster like me to melt and become liquid water. And in that form, I was reborn. At the moment the first fuck was given.

God came all over the face of the Earth, and it was fertile. Rocks broke down into salt, into other elements, and all got stirred together on the shores. Changes in temperature simmered it all slowly. Throughout it all, constant ejaculations of volcanic activity put even more information into the mix. And eventually that mix stirred into life.

I was there but I honestly don't remember shit. Do you remember even this time you were born?

Born of earth mother and water father, with a lot of fiery relatives, I was reborn from water and salt. The same things I have to consume every day in this writing body, and which I've needed in ever single body since forever. Life was born in the oceans, in water and salt. In some way, we all preserve the food of home. It's a simple recipe really. Get water and put stuff in it. Simmer at the right temperature. Serve.

This is still the basis for human recipes today. I notice it all the time when I caramelize onions. Caramelized onions and spices are the base of almost every Sri Lankan recipe. Almost every day I heat up a pan on low, put onions in, and just let it sit there for half an hour, poking around occasionally. I do these to get the water out of the onions, and there's a lot, you can see it come out. As it does, it leaves the pure flavor of the onion. You can do the same thing with mushrooms beautifully, or any vegetable really. They all contain mostly water. Same goes for meat like humans.

It is shocking not just how much we need water but how much we are water. As I said, my first birth was as a rock monster, and if you dump our bodies in space, that's what we become. Frozen rocks, until we get too close to a sun and then cook off into our component elements. This is basically what happened at the dawn of life on Earth, except the temperature was just right and the dish came out well-done instead of dust.

I guess you could say it's a miracle. The miracle of rebirth. From the union of male and female, yin and yang, whatever you want to call it, something new was born. In many ways this is the only birth that matters. The first one is a bit abstract—rock monsters and shit, sounds made up—but I was definitely there at the dawn of life. If you're alive, so we you.

Whatever you am, whatever I am is just a series of causal reactions from that point. We all have a common ancestor (and lots of dead relatives). The universe came from one space and life came from one thing. Some wet squiggle of information, squirming into life. Pull on any fiber of any being and you'll find the same thread, leading back to the first birth ever. Numero uno. Number 1.

All the complicated things alive today came from something very simple. A salt water solution. Some temperature differences. Rock got bashed into chemicals by the relentless force of water, the dust of a billion rock monsters getting bashed into clay, clay coming to life. As the Quran says in a different (Mohsin Khan) translation:

And indeed We created man (Adam) out of an extract of clay (water and earth).

It's all true, except Adam was closer to a virus than a dude. God breathed upon the deep waters and out of the communion of water and salt, life popped up, just at a scale completely invisibly to us. Like soup. Or come. The first coming. The Quran describes this spark of life as a 'sperm-drop' and Hindus pour water over a Shiva Lingam. Today we consider even the mention of words like penis and sperm and vaginas profane, but they are actually sacred. This are right things to revere and worship, and to think about. A great part of the 'mystery' of life is because we refuse to look at exactly where life comes from. We just giggle and tell each other to shut up. So it remains mysterious.

If we can get past our petty, ape body, prudery, we can see that fucking is the basic formula of life, and not just for creatures that fuck. The water fucked the hell out of the earth, and the earth crashed into the water, and the earth's core was busting volcano-sized nuts all over the place. It was an orgy and lots of things were born. Some survived, including me, preceding through birth after rebirth. All based on that primordial act of rock monsters crashing into each other, creating wildly unpredictable chemical babies, some of which survived.

Goo goo, gaa gaa. There I was. Born for the first time on Earth.