Rape and abuse are so common that you must know both victims and the perps. In India over 50% of children have faced some form of sexual abuse. In Sri Lanka 70% of women have been sexually harassed on the bus. This is happening, a lot. Personally, every girl I know has been sexually harassed and many have been assaulted or raped. And I know /know-of a few guys I consider rapists as well. I try to shun these types as much as possible, but the percentages are such that you probably know a few as well. Via Reddit, here are some stories from their side.
Obviously, this thread has some sexual content, if that bothers you.
I was a freshman and hooking up with this girl who got naked in bed with me, then said no. I think she just wanted to do oral. I was extremely horny and already close to doing it, so I ignored her and did it. She realized what was happening and tried to clamp her legs shut, but it was too late and I was much stronger than her.
She kept whispering no, but I ignored it. lasted maybe a minute, two tops. no condom, that was stupid. When I finished, I fingered her until she came or faked it.
Now I feel terrible about it and wish I hadn’t done it. A while ago I saw a thread where someone said “An erect dick has no conscience.” Very true. When my daughter is old enough, I’m going to have a very frank conversation on male-female relations of the sort that I don’t think most girls get.
Most girls don’t really understand how horny guys are, how much stronger guys are, how guys will rationalize what they do. I see feminists and women on the Internet saying that no means no and women should be able to get as drunk as they want and not be sexually assaulted, and I couldn’t agree me. But the reality of the situation is that women have to be careful because guys are one way when they’re hanging out and another way when they’re horny or worse drunk and horny. That doesn’t make what happened okay, but it is what it is. (throwingthisaway4)
They’re creepy to read, but important to hear. There’s this idea that rape is just bad and these people are just bad, but if you want to do something about it you need to actually understand the problem. We were doing a TV program on sexual abuse and Ryan said that we should get both sides on. I joked and asked if she meant rapists, but in hindsight I think that’s true. Some people are rehabilitated, some are sociopathic, and many are actually confused and may not know something is wrong while they’re doing it.
My girlfriend was breaking up with me and I was taking it pretty hard, I’m not going into details but she came over just to get the rest of her things. I asked her to go into the bedroom just to talk, and it just eventually led to me raping her while she cried and begged to stop.
Odd thing is we’re friends now, not close but if we saw each other in public we wouldn’t think anything of it. I felt terrible afterwards and just left her alone. Thread is far too old now but I’ve never told anyone about this (Throwaway7262012)
The Reddit thread is full of stories of guys who realize something is wrong and stop, or realize later that it’s wrong – usually in situations involving alcohol. In most of the situations they describe the woman is saying no after they’re in bed or back home, so it’s not like they’re dragging girls off the street. That and underage rape are obvious cases, but when you mix alcohol and drugs consent and decision making get a lot more vague. Again, I’m not saying that rape is ever OK, but you have to understand the situation if you want to change it.
In most of the cases on the Reddit thread, the guys are in a situation which they think implies consent – girl is in bed, they’re both drunk, they’d been dating. So it’s not like they dragged a girl off the street and she’s screaming. So, in terms of prevention, a lot of avoiding abuse is not being in bad situations or under the influence, but also men need to be educated as to what the clear boundaries are, because a lot don’t seem to know.
I’m a good man. I have a wife and a couple of kids now and I’m a good father and husband. I’m a pretty moral guy. But I think the thing that has always stuck with me…is how close I came to actually doing it. If I hadn’t looked up at her face and seen what she was feeling, I might have continued. In my mind, at the time, she wanted it. I can remember staring at the ceiling while on the couch thinking “in a couple of minutes she’s going to come out here and get on top of me”.
I’ll never defend a rapist, but I remember what a combo of hormones, inuendo, booze and oppertunity can lead to.
The sad thing is…the thing that makes me wince…is that somewhere that girl is now a woman and is out there. She remebers that night and I fear that it has affected her in ways that an apology just couldn’t fix. (threwawayshame)
That perspective has to be understood (not condoned) if we want to address the problem. It’s really not productive to say these are horrible people, execute them. That’s honestly just lazy and doesn’t address the problem, plus we’d need to execute a lot of people.
It’s a chilling thread to read, but an important one. Here’s one casual but fundamentally sociopathic response.
Extremely insightful & interesting post – food for thought indeed!
I see the foundation to this horrible crime as being interwoven into the growing up values in most homes where sisters are bullied by their brothers. Eve teasing – a western term -is considered the done thing in SL society. And the gorls are brought up to accept it. This is a block to boys respecting girls from their childhood.
While the instances you mention are very true and the girls are curious about sex yet are hesitant about losing their virginity the mindset of the boy is not very healthy.
I remember learning in the Buddhist texts that the Buddha has spoken of a healthy relationship between the sexes would be if the men treated girls very much younger to him as his daughter,women of similar age as a sister and older women as his mother.
I believe the mindset of men and women when they are young need to be worked on in the homes, by their parents by creating a healthy atmosphere for the two sexes to mix with respect, affection and trust.
This comment garnered a lot of discussion – http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x6yef/reddits_had_a_few_threads_about_sexual_assault/c5k055x?context=3
The discussion continues here – http://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/x84sl/the_truth_fairy_reacts_to_serial_rapist_im_not/
The box analogy really did it for me. Can’t even imagine the mental anguish a person has to go through after something like that.
These are cases of date rape which could be prevented if one was careful (still horrible), but in Sri Lanka we have a more serious case of child rape, where the perpetrater is a close family member, and the abuse continues over a long period with accompanying threats and intimidation, far more traumatic and leaves much deeper scars, I think.
I was working in the hospital that night a girl was brought naked/body fully covered with mud/unconscious. story turned out be former boy friend with 2 friends hiding in the road stuck on the head of the retuning girl after work with club and gang raped and lifeless body thrown into paddy field fortunately half dead body discovered by the villagers at 2am same day result of early search operation. girl went home after months of hospital stay with half paralysis and many other disabilities for the rest of the life. I saw how, many staff were trembling with anger on the rapist. I really cant understand how people become so violent – just think raping a dying women who is shouting in pain and bleeding from head nose and ear!!!!
This doesn’t address father, uncle or a sibling rape, or a now a 84 year old man was allowed to have an orphanage without any back ground check, raping innocent girls, and why Children’s home matron let trishaw drivers rape those little girls. Majority rape cases in SL are similar stories :(
You should have totally mentioned Julian Assange.
Ever since I read about his case, I’ve been wondering, what if the condom broke while you’re having sex, the girl didn’t notice, and so you continued without telling the girl about the broken condom. After you’ve finished, she finds out, and sue you.
I’m curious, what exactly constitute rape, and what exactly constitute consent, according to the Sri Lankan laws? Does consent mean consent to a finite number of activities in a finite number of ways?
At the risk of being accused of jumping in Sharanga, I’d guess that the first instance you mention would be negligence, not rape.
To the other I’d say not saying no would mean consent, provided there was no restriction on speech.
Someone with super intelligence may have a different anwer of course.
Yes. Let’s ask dodo the sore loser and reverse the answer.
Your super intelligence wasn’t capable of working out something as simple as that? Or even seeing that I’m right? You’ve been waiting since the Assange case to find out. Must have been a real strain on your er.. social life.
Jeez. I must have done something right. This time I”d rather take the hit in order to avoid saying something nasty.
P.S. It’s funny though. Even your insults are based on things I never said. I mean, there wouldn’t be much point to attaching a NOT gate to dodo the sore loser’s output and trying to create a super-intelligence if I myself was a super-intelligence.
What?
You said you’d been wondering about the consqeuence of a broken condom since the Assange case.
You were also unsure about what constituted consent.
Even after I gave you the anwers you wanted to verify it further.
It just struck me that not knowing the anwers to the questions must have put damper on your style (if you had any, that is)
Insults? What insults? When you call two people morons within a space of two days, one naturally concludes that you claim superior intelligence.
Superior intelligence, yes. Super intelligence? No. When I’m saying super intelligence, I’m thinking about Deep Blue, or HAL or myself uploaded to a quantum computer. So that’s an insult, based on something I never said.
And yes, it certainly put a damper on my style. I really bothers me that the universe is 2% wrong. That’s life. But it’s improvable, now that I have perhaps found a perfect source of information in crappy universe – NOT gated dodo.
About my social life..well..I’d take the hit.
You said it now. So the world is deprived of super intelligence only due to the unavailability of a quantum computer, whatever that is.
Also, your preoccupation with Dodo is soooo sweet.
Both dodo the sore loser and realist are preoccupied with me, as shown by them jumping into my conversation with someone else and try to insult me based on a debate I had with them on another thread. If my preoccupation with a NOT gated dodo is sweet, so be it.