Rape and abuse are so common that you must know both victims and the perps. In India over 50% of children have faced some form of sexual abuse. In Sri Lanka 70% of women have been sexually harassed on the bus. This is happening, a lot. Personally, every girl I know has been sexually harassed and many have been assaulted or raped. And I know /know-of a few guys I consider rapists as well. I try to shun these types as much as possible, but the percentages are such that you probably know a few as well. Via Reddit, here are some stories from their side.
Obviously, this thread has some sexual content, if that bothers you.
I was a freshman and hooking up with this girl who got naked in bed with me, then said no. I think she just wanted to do oral. I was extremely horny and already close to doing it, so I ignored her and did it. She realized what was happening and tried to clamp her legs shut, but it was too late and I was much stronger than her.
She kept whispering no, but I ignored it. lasted maybe a minute, two tops. no condom, that was stupid. When I finished, I fingered her until she came or faked it.
Now I feel terrible about it and wish I hadn’t done it. A while ago I saw a thread where someone said “An erect dick has no conscience.” Very true. When my daughter is old enough, I’m going to have a very frank conversation on male-female relations of the sort that I don’t think most girls get.
Most girls don’t really understand how horny guys are, how much stronger guys are, how guys will rationalize what they do. I see feminists and women on the Internet saying that no means no and women should be able to get as drunk as they want and not be sexually assaulted, and I couldn’t agree me. But the reality of the situation is that women have to be careful because guys are one way when they’re hanging out and another way when they’re horny or worse drunk and horny. That doesn’t make what happened okay, but it is what it is. (throwingthisaway4)
They’re creepy to read, but important to hear. There’s this idea that rape is just bad and these people are just bad, but if you want to do something about it you need to actually understand the problem. We were doing a TV program on sexual abuse and Ryan said that we should get both sides on. I joked and asked if she meant rapists, but in hindsight I think that’s true. Some people are rehabilitated, some are sociopathic, and many are actually confused and may not know something is wrong while they’re doing it.
My girlfriend was breaking up with me and I was taking it pretty hard, I’m not going into details but she came over just to get the rest of her things. I asked her to go into the bedroom just to talk, and it just eventually led to me raping her while she cried and begged to stop.
Odd thing is we’re friends now, not close but if we saw each other in public we wouldn’t think anything of it. I felt terrible afterwards and just left her alone. Thread is far too old now but I’ve never told anyone about this (Throwaway7262012)
The Reddit thread is full of stories of guys who realize something is wrong and stop, or realize later that it’s wrong – usually in situations involving alcohol. In most of the situations they describe the woman is saying no after they’re in bed or back home, so it’s not like they’re dragging girls off the street. That and underage rape are obvious cases, but when you mix alcohol and drugs consent and decision making get a lot more vague. Again, I’m not saying that rape is ever OK, but you have to understand the situation if you want to change it.
In most of the cases on the Reddit thread, the guys are in a situation which they think implies consent – girl is in bed, they’re both drunk, they’d been dating. So it’s not like they dragged a girl off the street and she’s screaming. So, in terms of prevention, a lot of avoiding abuse is not being in bad situations or under the influence, but also men need to be educated as to what the clear boundaries are, because a lot don’t seem to know.
I’m a good man. I have a wife and a couple of kids now and I’m a good father and husband. I’m a pretty moral guy. But I think the thing that has always stuck with me…is how close I came to actually doing it. If I hadn’t looked up at her face and seen what she was feeling, I might have continued. In my mind, at the time, she wanted it. I can remember staring at the ceiling while on the couch thinking “in a couple of minutes she’s going to come out here and get on top of me”.
I’ll never defend a rapist, but I remember what a combo of hormones, inuendo, booze and oppertunity can lead to.
The sad thing is…the thing that makes me wince…is that somewhere that girl is now a woman and is out there. She remebers that night and I fear that it has affected her in ways that an apology just couldn’t fix. (threwawayshame)
That perspective has to be understood (not condoned) if we want to address the problem. It’s really not productive to say these are horrible people, execute them. That’s honestly just lazy and doesn’t address the problem, plus we’d need to execute a lot of people.