Covert Boom et al, listening to Trophy Wife
There’s a three-legged dog at the top of the road, lying there with his balls out in the band-killing drizzle. I respect the three-legged functioning and I pet the filthy beast. Later, I’m telling the promoter that his band is dogshit and he’s flipping out and threatening to beat me up. I’m more worried that my girl is going to hit him. What’s sad is that the Duke Spirit is here, a band that opened for REM, and this promoter Ifham wants to replace them with a school choir and a cover band. And that band is clearing the crowd. They break into a version of Barbie Girl and people literally flee the hall clutching their ears. It is, in aesthetic terms, dogshit, but Ifham is, in between threatening to rape me, lecturing about local talent. What local talent? Aqua?
The whole thing is an arthouse nightmare, a performance piece on everything that’s wrong with Colombo. The bad sound, the weird weather and – worst of all – the bad vibes. Now Ifham’s girlfriend is in my face, trying to stare me down. It might be more convincing if her colored contacts enabled human eye contact. She’s telling me to leave. I’m like, ‘I’m waiting for the next band, and I don’t have to leave’. I tell her it’s just my opinion, and she tells me to leave. Which is exactly what’s wrong with this country. If people think different we ask them to leave. Or threaten to assault them. Or do.
That’s the real Duke Spirit around here. A bunch of local jokes who think they’re local royalty and mess up the party for everyone.
The Duke Of Letch
Covert Boom plays an amazing set at the Electric Peacock Festival and for an hour I can forget that ‘Summer Of 69’ exists. Then Roger Sanchez breaks into some mediocre commercial house and I go to pee. I come back and there’s a major scene. My girl wouldn’t dance with some guy and he told her to leave. For not dancing with him? She said he pointed to his walkie talkie and said he was an organizer. How pathetic. He tries to talk to me and I’m don’t want to give him the time of day, which would be more convincing if I hadn’t fallen over a chair. I know the actual organizer and I know enough people to punish him, but I actually bear him more confusion than malice. I mean, does this guy normally threaten girls into dancing with him? Does that work? Who needs to do that? What perverse vestige of the rape culture is this?
If my girl wants to dance on a table that’s her business. If she wants to dance with a guy, that’s not cool with me, but still her business. If she says no it means no, but some Sri Lankan men think that they can get away with anything. On the extreme these men are rapists, in the middle they’re perverts, but this Amil (or something) character just verged on the pathetic. He was pointing to his walkie talkie and saying he’s an organizer, like the dance floor is his personal harem. Except it’s not. My girl is stronger than him, she’s tougher than him and she’s doing the right thing, she’s just having a good time and not messing with anybody. I’m going home with the girl and he’s going home with the walkie talkie. That’s the Duke Of Letch.
The Duke Of Talent
Park Street Mews had a schedule for Sunday, which I understand. Because the Duke Spirit and Trophy Wife got rained out at the festival they’ve offered to play for free. Hundreds of people have showed up to see the Duke, which this local Duke should understand, if he wasn’t more of a local douche. The people were there for the international bands, and that would have made his party a success. However, he totally kills it. Like, totally and obliviously kills the party, so much so that everyone literally leaves.
After Trophy Wife’s set, where everyone is finally finally rocking, Ifham puts on a school choir singing versions of ‘Poker Face’, which the mediocre sound guy can’t even mix properly. This kids are actually sweet, if not really what people came for. Then he puts on a local cover band, a band which has already played earlier in the day, while the Duke Spirit is sitting around like WTF? This is a band that’s played on Letterman and they’re sitting there listening to a swarthy gentleman belt out ‘Eye Of The Tiger’.
The crowd simply flees. It’s fucking horrifying, the Electric Peacock organizer is almost in tears, begging Ifham to let the Duke Spirit play. I look to the end of the road and people are getting into cars, calling cabs. Any party promoter would realize that his job is to promote the party, not his band, but Ifham seems willfully obtuse. In what is perhaps not the most constructive phrasing, I tell him the band is dogshit. He flips the fuck out. I’m vaguely connected enough that he can’t actually fuck with me, but he tries to posture and wag his finger. I do not fucking care. Harsh language is never especially productive, but I never threatened violence to anyone and I was just saying my opinion. He is threatening violence, not actually doing anything and, to me, just looks like a belligerent ass. And the band actually is dogshit. They’re playing ‘Sweet Child Of Mine’ now and it’s ear-bleedingly bad. Covert Boom is dancing in tragic irony, dancing to the end of the party.
Ifham is in my face now, telling me we need to support local talent. I’m like, OK, but this is merely locals playing cover songs. Local yes, talent no. He’s all in my face with the wagging finger, saying he’s going to beat me up and I just find it childish. I tell him I have no beef with him, that I want no violence, but the girl is having none of it. If he pushes it she will fuck him up and I actually feel sorry for him. The drummer from Trophy Wife is sitting there in bemused shock. Ifham knows I work at The Sunday Leader and he’s saying he can make sure my Editor won’t publish anything. I’m like, er, OK. Is this what you’re proud of? Violence, covering stuff up, and sucking at your job? I mean, please. That’s the Duke Of Talent.
The Douche Spirit
That’s the duke spirit in Colombo. Everybody feels like a local god when they’re with the boys, they do what they want, they do what they want. It’s like we cannot fucking deal with quality. We just want the same controllable mediocrity. Too often going out isn’t about the music or dancing, it’s just about power. At its worst, it’s about violence and sexual abuse. That’s the Duke of Talent and the Duke of Letch, but it’s not the Duke Spirit.
The Real Duke Spirit
The real Duke Spirit, the band, is at the top of the road. I feel like fucking crying. They’re the ‘biggest’ people here, but the bands have been the most humble. The guys from Covert Boom are keenly intelligent and culturally aware in person and the only culture they push on stage is fun. The girl from the Duke Spirit couldn’t play but she didn’t retreat to a dressing room, she was always on the dance floor, supporting the festival in her shimmery pants. The lead singer of Trophy Wife was just breathless at the end of the set and happy to be this far east. The real organizers, Leah Marikkar and her sister, are just nice girls who love music and wanted to give something back. The guys that acted like dukes were really fucking paupers and the ones that acted humble were, well, not kings, but compassionate human beings. Which is about all I think a human being can aspire to be.
Now the Duke Spirit is at the top of the road, getting into a car. I feel ashamed, but they just smile, open the trunk and give us a CD. So now we can finally listen to the music. I’ve spent like 48 hours waiting for the Duke Spirit to play and it ends up being a CD from their hand. I don’t know what to say. I want to say something that will show them that all the chaos makes sense. That this is a part of Sri Lanka, that this is actually the part that we miss when we go. But how to explain?
I just tell them to please take it as an experience, to take it as art. The Electric Peacock Festival was an epic fail as a music festival, but it was one hell of a performance piece. Those few days were everything that’s wrong with Sri Lanka but, in between, little gasps of everything that’s right. The food, the music, the people. The hospitality, the rhythm, the lovely chaos and the human beings who do say thank you, who do appreciate visitors, who do treat other people with respect and who don’t willfully fuck things up for everybody else.
If there’s anything the bands could take away I hope they take that. We’re not all local dukes, we’re not all douchebags, and we’re not all fucking crazy. Those are my people and I won’t repudiate them, but some of us are just dudes and we really did want to hear you play. So, uh, thank you, come again?
Bad luck with the music Indi, but looks like you’ve found a nice new girl. She sounds feisty, your future posts are going to be interesting. All the best.
Swarthy was not the best adjective, maybe something that described the man’s unsuitability.
So the lesson here is that you should always let the girl do the fighting.
Oh dear. That’s such a shame that this thing fell flat on it’s face, especially considering how expensive it was.
You are completely right about the douchiness of colombo night life, though.
there are way too many people trying too hard to compensate for other deficiencies. ;p
dunno what’s worse, indi turning it into an opport to boast about his new girlfriend, or cocooned promoters from london who live in some victorian daze thinking that the ESEs in Colombo have enough fiber/substance to pull something like this off. prbly the latter
All I got from this long article is that Indi is a pussy boy.
Yeah you know what. You try your best to be good. Try to be a good christian (someone who doesn’t believe everything in scripture), a good buddhist, or a SECULAR HUMANIST. But sometimes you just got to let the human animal out.
Indi, thanks for this. I couldn’t have said any of it better myself!
That’s just sad, man. Can’t believe they had international bands like that down, and treated them like that… :|
Wow was it that bad? I couldn’t head to Park Street but I heard there had been some “scene” there. The Electric Peacock Festival was an epic fail but the music was amazing as you said.
This is typical Sri Lankan machoism, guys trying to show how connected they are how much power they can abuse. But never really doing it. Thats why people become politicians. It gives them a faster response to their machoism.
So, no new posts. Not surprised. Remember, Indi went home with the girl.
That reminds me of the sweet story about the guy who wrote that lovely old song ‘Save the last dance for me’. He suffered from polio and was wheelchair bound, and wrote it for his wife, a singer and dancer on Broadway.
You mean indi went home with some belligerent chick, who indi made out to sound like some kind of crazy female WWE wrestler who could kick any guys ass…
Who knows – maybe indi is still tied to a bed somewhere after that nights antics. Or maybe indi’s neck couldn’t quite cope with wrestler chicks’ moves and she had to cut him into 6 pieces and feed him to her pigs. After shaving his head and removing his teeth, of course, in the interests of her piggies digestive system.
i haaaaave a geeeeeerl frend; gna gna na goo goo
Maybe she was just being fiercely loyal. Obviously Indi’s a lover, not a fighter. Imagine what it would be like if they were both to lose their cool?
You’ve certainly been using your imagination. Anyway, I’ve noticed these days the majority of music videos, mens’ magazine covers, fashion photoshoots on GQ seem to favour the dominatrix type of female, so Indi’s tastes aren’t uncommon. And if they like a little bondage game, it’s their business, isn’t it? I don’t believe anyone would want to feed Indi to their pig. No doubt he’ll surface in time for Christmas.
LOL! BTW, whatever you do, don’t insult or threaten me, or said “geeeeeerl frend” will rip you to bits!
Idiot.
Who, me? Well, that’s rich, coming from a taxidermist who stuffed his mother and gets his thrills dressing up as her and hacking innocent young women to death in a hotel bathroom!
@shammi
No new post because the number one blogger in the island went home with some girl who can kick men’s asses? So you think before he met this girl he didn’t have sex, spent long nights typing things into his brand new laptop, playing games in his brand new iPhone, reading books that suggest Buddhism is science, getting mad at researches that found 92% of male UNPers and 91.2% of female UNPers are closet gays, and when it’s absolutely unbearable, masturbating to a porn video, resulting in his laptop keypad being the most beautiful one in Colombo?
BTW, Merry Christmas. Read this tomorrow.
Ah. Tubelight eka finally paththu wela than too bright wenna hadanawa.
No Lefroy, I wasn’t pondering about Indi’s sex life as that psycho guy and you seem to have been. I just thought his admiration for the new girl was sweet, and was happy for him.
Now that you’ve specifially asked me to, I’m apprehensive about reading this tomorrow, even if I manage to find the time. What mischief have you planned? Why don’t you just enjoy the holiday like a good secular humanist should?
Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to Indi and his new love, to you Lefroy, and Ruki, where ever you are (Saudi Arabia I think) even to Multiple, who takes time off his super exciting life just to burst my bubbles and to warn me off taking advantage of Dodo’s innocence (I’m being such a good Christian, see) and lastest and mostest to you Dodo baby. (kiss, kiss)
p.s.: Dodo, I can’t resist telling you about this reunion thing we had the other night, almost a hen party, where someone had arranged an entertainment item by a scantily dressed tranny who sported the name of a popular model. He/she performed this Bollywood style routine, quite well really, and I was so tickled thinking how much you would have enjoyed it. I can get the phone no. for you anytime if you want. : )
I’m not planning anything. Certainly not anything offensive. I have no problem with christmas. It’s stupid. But it’s fun. I have no problem with religions either, as long as they don’t make people kill in their names, and brainwash children into thinking Evolution didn’t happen.
P.S. Trannies on christmas? Jesus.
http://www.theblaze.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/bbweb.jpg
Seasons greetings to you too, from all of us.
Oh Dodo, you didn’t have to do it. But since you’ve started it, I might as well….
Some people believe,
1) A child was born to a virgin. His name was Jesus, and his father was he himself – GOD. (incest?)
2) When he was young, Jesus had a friend called Lazarus. This guy died. Kid Jesus resurrected him from death. (but why? Lazarus must have been in heaven, right?)
3) Jesus/God died for our sins. He didn’t fake it. He really died after being brutally tortured. (He could’ve just forgiven us. But he really wanted to get himself tortured and murdered. Why? He’s a sadomasochist)
4) 3 days after he died, Jesus resurrected from death. After spending some time on earth, he flew, literally flew towards the sky, like superman. (I like comic books, but don’t take them seriously).
5) Judas was an a-hole. Now he burns in hell forever. (I feel sorry for this guy. He got divinely screwed by god’s majestic plan to save us from our sins by getting himself tortured, and murdered).
6) This God is both omnipotent (can do anything) and omniscient (knows everything). (So if he knows what he’s about to do, how can he change his mind about what he’s about to do? He’s a slave to his own logically impossible nature).
7) He’s also omnibenovelent. Yet a damn lot of children die of hunger every few seconds. (does he like watching tiny black kids starving to death?)
8) He made everything, including us. We didn’t ask him to do so. He made few laws, that we weren’t supposed to break. If we broke them, he has this special place called in which we can burn eternally. Yet he loves us (except fags).
Any person who believes all that is either a lunatic, or a christian.
*special place called hell
Not for Christmas, just a reunion of old friends. This is the ideal time because more people are in town.
What, no cute kitties? Too damned dull.
Dodo and Lefroy, you two should have planned to spend Christmas together wallowing in your buckets of iced water.
Christmas isn’t about religion anymore. It’s just an excuse to take time off to destress (is that a word?), mellow out, be a bit more generous and get a little tingle for the new year. (And I know the new year is only another rotation of the earth of course) But try that, do.
Sure, christmas is about nice Coca Cola ads. In other words, western cultural domination. That doesn’t bother me.
What bothers me is most people who celebrate Christmas, also believe pretty much everything I’ve written about. They’re not called lunatics only because there’s so many of them.
Buddhists, Muslims, Jews and all the rest are the same as well.
Well that’s the point shammi. We should chill out these few days not because of some miracle of god, but because of more terrestrial reasons.
and don’t you think it’s silly to wait til some other dude’s birthday to be nice to others & chill out.
Aney!
Apoi apoi!!
“Wine in the sun” by Tim Minchin. A non scathing secular take on christmas.
Imagine that we are good friends. One day we are talking:
Me: Wow, you will not believe this new book I’ve been reading!
You: What’s it about?
Me: It is a manual for living a better life. It is also a guide to creating a better society for ourselves and our children. It has changed my life!
You: That sounds like an important book. Who wrote it?
Me: The author is supposed to be the smartest person in the universe.
You: That’s amazing — if the author is the smartest person in the universe, the book must be absolutely brilliant. I can’t wait to see it. Do you have a copy with you?
Me: Absolutely! I carry it with me everywhere I go! Here, have a look for yourself…
You open the book to a random page, and you find this:
Any of the people of Israel, or of the aliens who reside in Israel, who give any of their offspring to Molech shall be put to death; the people of the land shall stone them to death. I myself will set my face against them, and will cut them off from the people, because they have given of their offspring to Molech, defiling my sanctuary and profaning my holy name. And if the people of the land should ever close their eyes to them, when they give of their offspring to Molech, and do not put them to death, I myself will set my face against them and against their family, and will cut them off from among their people, them and all who follow them in prostituting themselves to Molech.
If any turn to mediums and wizards, prostituting themselves to them, I will set my face against them, and will cut them off from the people. Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy; for I am the Lord your God. Keep my statutes, and observe them; I am the Lord; I sanctify you. All who curse father or mother shall be put to death; having cursed father or mother, their blood is upon them.
If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbour, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death. The man who lies with his father’s wife has uncovered his father’s nakedness; both of them shall be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man lies with his daughter-in-law, both of them shall be put to death; they have committed perversion; their blood is upon them. If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them. [Leviticus, chapter 20]
You are not quite sure what to say. You look at me for a moment.
You: I thought you said that this is written by the most intelligent person in the universe. If we are going to follow what this author says, we have to kill many people. We are supposed to kill everyone who has cursed his father or mother, everyone who has committed adultery, and every homosexual.
Me: Well, that’s in the old testament, you see. The book is really two books, and the “old” part of the book doesn’t really apply.
You: Are you saying that the smartest person in the universe once wanted us to kill every adulterer and homosexual, but then changed his mind? That somehow makes it better? If the “old part” no longer applies, then why did you hand it to me when I asked to see the book?
Me: Well, parts of it do apply.
You: Didn’t you just tell me that it doesn’t apply?
You open the book to another random page and you find this:
When you buy a male Hebrew slave, he shall serve for six years, but in the seventh he shall go out a free person, without debt. If he comes in single, he shall go out single; if he comes in married, then his wife shall go out with him. If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master’s and he shall go out alone. But if the slave declares, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out a free person’, then his master shall bring him before God. He shall be brought to the door or the doorpost; and his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him for life.
When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do. If she does not please her master, who designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed; he shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has dealt unfairly with her. If he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her as with a daughter. If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife. And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out without debt, without payment of money.
Whoever strikes a person mortally shall be put to death. If it was not premeditated, but came about by an act of God, then I will appoint for you a place to which the killer may flee. But if someone wilfully attacks and kills another by treachery, you shall take the killer from my altar for execution.
Whoever strikes father or mother shall be put to death.
Whoever kidnaps a person, whether that person has been sold or is still held in possession, shall be put to death. Whoever curses father or mother shall be put to death.
When individuals quarrel and one strikes the other with a stone or fist so that the injured party, though not dead, is confined to bed, but recovers and walks around outside with the help of a staff, then the assailant shall be free of liability, except to pay for the loss of time, and to arrange for full recovery.
When a slave-owner strikes a male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies immediately, the owner shall be punished. But if the slave survives for a day or two, there is no punishment; for the slave is the owner’s property. [Exodus, chapter 21]
That was brilliant! Absolutely love it.
So Indi, is the honeymoon not over yet? I thought “the girl”would inspire you to write more and better posts!
Gosh! What if multiple’s new avatar (psycho) was right after all, should we be calling 911?
Besides, what if the Dodo is missing me like hell? ; ) or indeed vice versa? : (