Maldivian Heaven

Barbie in harem costume by Seneschal of Avalon

This is another kettle of fish, but I have a great and abiding respect for Islam. I think the Koran is one of the most beautiful and illuminated books I’ve ever read (and not finished) and my Muslim friends live and practice a faith which is great and kind and a boon to mankind. She sent me this link in shock, to a Maldivian preacher describing heaven in shocking vulgarity and banality. It basically sounds like a nightclub except no one pees and the girls get revirginized. It’s disturbing.

Wine is prohibited in this life. But because it is legal [in Heaven], the wine of Heaven does not leave you with nausea, trips to the toilet, intoxication or even headaches.

There will be comfortable couches, which can be adjusted, couches made of gold and precious stones.

You can get any fruit you want and however much you want to consume. Birds, fried and put on trays — they come and present themselves for you to eat.

If you are not satisfied, there’s only room for relaxing there. There will be Houris (‘black-eyed beautiful Virgins’) protected like golden pearls. Please calm down a bit, beloved sisters! What is a Houri made of? Three things: the bottom part is made of musk, the middle part is made of ambergris, and the upper part is made of Camphor.

So, basically open bar, open seating, open buffet and open women (although I’m not sure how I feel of bottom parts made of musk).

Please calm down from now, beloved Sisters. Don’t ask me questions. You may ask: For you Houris; what for us? Now listen to what God has to say: You will be recreated anew. How will you be resurrected in Heaven? As virgins. Not satisfied still? God says further: You will be recreated as wives made to love their husbands, of same age, having no chance of aging ever.

What is Kaub? It is something that is erected. Forgive me but this is going to be a technical discussion. Kaaba (House of God in Mecca) is also called that because it is erected from the ground. The shin is also called Kaub because it grows straight out of the legs. Just like that, women in their full prime will have their may-mathi (breasts) pointing out.

I am not Muslim, but I’m pretty sure this is what it is about. Again, I should note that this is not in any way a criticism of Islam but of the comments of this one man, Ilyas Hussein, broadcast on TV, in the Maldives I believe. I have a great respect for Islam and I find comments like this strangely incongruous with that deep and spiritual faith. It cannot be about denying pleasure in this life to simply have it in the next. I think there’s much more to Islam than that.

59 Comments

  1. Alliances can be convoluted, and it is entirely possible for Iran to play the double bluff. Although I hardly see the merit of such actions. But if you care going to make comments like the ones below you better back them up with substantiative evidence, and not some neocon propaganda.

    “Don’t these nutters have any problem with Mahinda sucking up to Ahmadinajad, who denies Holocaust ever happened, and support the radical muslim f*cks who bombed Bahmian buddha statues?”

    “It sure as hell has aligned itself with that jackass Ahmadinajad and Ahmadinajad sure as hell has aligned itself with Taliban. So by extension….”

  2. I don’t think i really made any assertions, I merely called Lefroy out on his manure. All i’ve been saying is: 1) this so called evidence is mostly speculation, while a million other things could have happened. 2) Ask for the rationale behind Irans’ actions, since Lefroy doesn’t have a smoking gun. He should at least have a consistent theory. Maybe the last bit was too much of the physicist in me coming out. :)

  4. The above link for some reason doesn’t link to the place I want. It’s accessible via google though. Wait.

  8. The first 2 links don’t work. The last one does. Just wanted to show you that it’s not only me who thinks this way (unless Patraeus was lying in his written testimony)… I’m out.

  9. And I’m not going to visit here to read your reply coz it’ll tempt me to reply.

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