This is me, last year
It’s been a while. You change when you’re with people, doing things. There’s an entire world that goes unrecorded. Words of great and little import that just disappear. The girl that loved me, I let her go. The one I can’t forget has forgotten me. I’ve abdicated blogging in the hope that some hard work can make it bigger in five years. In the hope that some random kid will come up to me and say that some fun facts about snakes made a difference for him. It did for me, a long time ago. Just having something to read, that’s how I ended up on the Internet anyways. I don’t even like print anymore, but that’s where I began, and Sri Lanka is just beginning. I work till 10 or 11, I work with people, I work for people – none of which I’m especially comfortable with. I get home, maybe jerk off, go to sleep. If I ignore my personal life (mess) long enough maybe it’ll just disappear. Nobody calls me anymore, I just get news alerts. Today the government pulled out of the Cease-Fire. Sometimes I just want to put my head down and cry.
Because I love the LTTE. Or more specifically, because I’m a kid (eh?) and I have a lot of dreams. Or I did. I dunno what they’re called when you’re older and you forget all the really cool parts. Ideas. I like the Internet. I can be borderline evangelical about it, in my own self-centered way. I believe in progress, I believe in perfect information, I believe in the Singularity. I like Sri Lanka cause it’s growing and it will grow into something kick-ass. I was willing to invest my life here. I still think the strategy is fine. Execution has just gone a bit, shall we say, FUBAR. I came back because the Cease-Fire. Because peace gives you a bit of time for dreams. But now we’re back at war.
I can feel it in my head. There like a dusty computer fan, an asthmatic hum, belying some terrible heat underneath. People are dying tonight, people are being tortured. I get body-counts from the Media Center For National Security, like a cock-a-doodle-doo. It’s LTTE and I guess that’s cool, but wait, it’s not. Cause this isn’t a sport. Counting bodies is a fundamentally shitty way to keep score. CAUSE KILLING HUMAN BEINGS IS BAD. I was just saying that for myself, so I don’t forget. Let me say a few things more, they seem to be slipping away. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TORTURED. BEING TAMIL IS NOT A CRIME. MERVYN SILVA SHOULD NOT BE A MINISTER. MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL PEACEFUL AND HAPPY.
If it’s not that, it’s worse. The LTTE blew up a bus in Slave Island, killing
four five. The Tigers are just so pathetic now. They’re just this horrid cult of death and tyranny. They probably killed MP Maheswaran, in Temple. Easy enough since the government reduced his security detail to one (from 18). Yes there are two guards, but only one at a time. Another Tamil MP (Mano Ganeshan) fled because he feared for his life, and the government reduced his security too. Maheswaran stayed, and now he’s dead. I think it’s government manslaughter at least. According to Shakthi TV he said
“My life is increasingly at risk after the reduction of my security from 18 personnel to only one. Even state intelligence has established that there are threats to me. Therefore, the government should take full responsibility,” UNP MP T. Maheswaran told the media just three days prior to his murder.
To quote Goat Boy Rajapakse
But Maheshwaran had not asked for enhanced personnel protection, Defence Ministry secretary Gothabhaya Rajapakse, who is also President Mahinda Rajapakse’s brother, told our sister news website, Vimasuma.com.
Somebody’s lying. Let’s just say it’s the dead guy, who gives a fuck. Maheswaran was going to present a report on January 8th, detailing the death and kidnapping squads in the North, staffed by Colombo. He said he was going to point to powerful peeps in Colombo behind the paramilitary goons, probably Dougie Dave and EPDP. He said 6 people a day were killed in Jaffna a day, by these paras.
I dunno. I just know there’s people dying. You can’t hear this stuff all the time and not have it affect you. It’s karmic pollution. I’ve been reading the news now and it’s just all shite. Mihin Lanka staff (the President’s pet airline) had to try and physically push an Airbus on the tarmac after Sri Lankan withdrew ground support (they’re owed 1 million USD). Hells, they could just take up a collection at the airport. We’re paying for it anyways. The Central Bank has given up on controlling inflation, according to Chief Accountant Nivard Cabraal. In international news, 300 Kenyans were burnt alive in a church.
Paul Simon has a song called ‘Born At The Right Time’. It’s not about me.