Another day at the orifice.
I do enjoy a good bog at work. If it’s not too busy and the bathroom is empty, it’s quite nice to settle down with a newspaper and shit on company time. Not metaphorically of course. Recently, however, I switched offices. My new cubicle has a window from which I can see 50 meters of ocean and some graffiti that says ‘FREEDOM’. That part is nice. The bathroom however, has become a freaking swamp. There is literally a centimeter of water on the floors at all times because people wash themselves in the sink. I give them gal looks as they’re splashing liberally over their head and shoulders and they turn the faucet off. Then they go into a toilet stall, close the door and start hosing themselves down with the bidet. Wtf.
This isn’t about johnny bathing patterns or whatever. I really don’t care how people wash themselves. The issue is decency to your fellow employees. I’m OK with a communal bathroom, but not a communal bathtub. I rent my own apartment and I understand bad water pressure. Sometimes it feels like I might as well hose myself off in the yard. But I don’t. When I was a kid my grandmother used to draw well water and just pour buckets over my head. That was fun. But I was five years old. And cute. I’m no longer that cute and I don’t don’t bathe in public anymore.
I’m not going to hose myself down with the bidet in my company office. That’s gross and disrespectful. The average company bathroom is not meant for bathing. There is no drainage. When johnnies wash their head and shoulders, that water just stays on the floor all day. It collects dirt from peoples shoes and bits of loo roll. I don’t know how they don’t understand, but when someone showers with the bidet in the toilet, the floor is covered with water. The walls are covered with water. Your coworker has to stand in your filthy water to take a bog. Why?
Those people in Distribution and Credit Management need to have a freaking shower at home and not in the sink. Now I only take emergency bogs and even that in 1cm of standing water. Last time I dropped the entire loo roll on the floor and almost cried at the tyranny of it all. I have to wear socks and a tie but my fellow employees still bathe like they’re in the river. But it’s not a river. This is a freaking corporate office with no drainage. Have some respect, eh?