What Barefoot looks like to M. Syzlak. Scan by Bunny Ronin
Note: now that I think about it, I’ve never timed myself, and I dunno where the foreplay/sex division is. I guess I’ve made out for hours, but I consider that different from sex
Tweedledum says he has sex for an average of three hours per encounter. I’m like bullshit, twenty to thirty. Minutes. Then Tweedledee sits down, coughs into his tie and lights a cigarette. ‘Machang, you’re just not paying attention. Girls today except at least two orgasms, minimum.’ I never got that memo. And I was so proud of that one. Dum and Dee seem to agree on a minimum of 1.5 hours per encounter, and I have to ask when they have time to, like, go out on dates. ‘I don’t go out, we just have sex for hours,’ Dum boasts. That can’t be right. Dee spins the propeller on his beanie langourously and asks me, in all seriousness, if I eat fast. Yes, I eat as fast as decorously possible. ‘You have to slow down, man, enjoy the sensory experience. The only thing worth doing fast is learning.’ I eat fast cause I think I’ve got it down, and as far as I’m concerned sex is learning. Girls are complicated and it takes an infinite time to figure out their bodies, though there are certain, uh, predictable causes and effects. I find this Stingian multiple hour thing rather looking glass.
The question at the heart of the issue is whether more sex is better. I would say of course not. Simply kissing someone for 5 seconds can be amazing, I really don’t think its a factor of time. Furthermore, not to get technical, but girls can’t have sex sex for that long comfortably, and two or three hours of foreplay seems a little excessive to me. I mean, it’s not normal to lick anything for that long. Plus, that time is just the average. Apparently Dum has gone for 8 hours, one ‘gasm. And Tweedledee, he’s talking shit but I question whether he can put on a condom without an inhaler.
I think there’s a qualitative difference between a 2 minute shag and one for 30 minutes. I mean 30 minutes, two boobies, etcetera, I think I’ve got everything covered. Then you can go to sleep and work in the morning and live a normal respectable life. Am I so wrong?
Addition: I did some Googling and and found this. I think this post would now definitely fall into the ‘too much information’ category.
What Canadians lack in frequency we make up in stamina. With an average lovemaking time of 22.7 minutes we place second behind the Americans who carry on for 28.1 minutes. Of that time thrusting intercourse lasts between 6 to 10 minutes. For most Canadian couples foreplay lasts an average of 12 minutes (Abbys Sexual Health)