These are photos I took with my Razr in the waiting room
The Embassy sucks, but not as bad as I’d expected. This is just for my reference, and anybody elses. Intel is free flying people out to Mumbai for some press conference, so I photocopied my soul and went to stand in line. Barring that, you need a copy of your National ID or birth defect. Basically you go and sacrifice one work morning to Shiva the Destroyer and the Indians will let you enter their country. White people too, all must be humbled before the great state of inefficiency. They take your cell-phone when you enter, so it’s really feels like entering foreign territory. Like Afghanistan. I hung out there for literally 3 hours, nodding off and watching Miss Posh Spice flip out. Last time I yelled at the Indian Embassy they asked ‘are you threatening my sovereignity’, so I don’t do that no more. Basically it suxors and I’m probably going to miss the press drunket, but these are the lessons I’ve learnt.
Don’t Go To India
It’s not worth it. The process in a pain in the butt, and really expensive with a paraya passport (4,500). You seriously have to flush the whole morning down the toilet, and I had PMS the rest of the day. Angry angry hippo. First they make you wait in line outside, in the hot sun. I saw three old people straight die. Then you go upstairs and stand in another line, with your fk compatriots riding your ass like the interminable line creeps we are. Sometimes I think an elbow to the face would be so satisfying. That guy turned out to be nice though, I feel bad. Mmmm, anyways, I would never take a vacation a l’Inde cause the process is traumatic and not relaxing. If I want to vacation I’ll go to, well, I’d watch TV, but normal people could go to boutique hotels here or something. Getting a Visa really really sucks, and it doesn’t need to. You can go from Canada to the Etats with a drivers license and I don’t see why SL and India can’t work something out. I don’t get who’s going to flee from the frying pan to the fire, and it’s not like they’d notice five extra brown people now and then.
Sort Your Papers
To get a Visa you need, minimum,
passport photocopy, national ID OR birth certificate two passport sized color photos first born child
Just to be safe, I brought every piece of paper that has ever caused me intense trauma, including Dual Citizenship and a book of Yeats. I got the photos and copies at this cyber-kade near the Majestic/Unity parking lot. If you’re missing the papers when you get up to the counter it is like flying into Mars on inches and feet.
Take Drugs and Be Mean To Old People
I had a seat but there are so many old people that I couldn’t keep it. I was also bored, though I shouldna left the iPod in the car. I guess the drugs could make the time go faster, though I’d ruther sleep. I would also recommend eating breakfast before you go. Hungry hungry hippo.
Do Not Count
The counters make no sense. One went from 80 directly to 160, directly to 200. There is some logic there, but I can’t parse it. My number got skipped, but I swear to g I was watching the LED. I had no other measure of the value of my life. They let me back in, but wtf, you know? The three counters also have no relation to each other either. Just ax the lady on the way in and she’ll tell you which counter you’re waiting for. Oh, and paste your photos on before because I lost like 5 spots that way. Just watch your counter only. When it bounces around and settles higher than your number, then it’s your turn.
Uh, I’m sleepy. I’m calling Canada to try and expedite but someone answered to tell me that no one is there. The people at the Indian High Commission in Ottawa are seriously the most braindead ass-clowns that country has ever produced. Apparently it’s one o’clock there and that, my friends, is the final lesson of the day. The national Indian faith is defined by rigid observance to a one hour lunch from 1 to 2 pm. Do not threaten their soveriegnity. Show up at 9h30 and get your sheet finished by 1.
Oh, I almost forgot. For foreign passports it takes 5 business days to get a visa. Today is Wednesday and my flight is Monday. Hence, I’m fucked.