archival photo of me being pissed off, on the rush-hour bus in this case
I’m throwing up rabbit terrine in the gym sink, trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong with my week. I got a bunch of checks all at once and I’ve been furiously impoverishing myself through various cybernetic and personal enhancements. I suppose I coulda gotten implants and gone silicone all the way, but I find the gym kinda relaxing. However, at Body By Kris I get, in effect, a personal trainer telling me not to putz around. Perhaps they think I’m there for health rather than vanity, but I haven’t done cardio in two years. Before Kasu’s finished with that and the weights I can’t stand up, I’m leaking sweat, and my stomach is lurching to the door. So here I am in front of the sink, wondering why pâté looks exactly the same coming up.
Half a mouthful and rub some water across my face. I’m actually allergic to exercise, but I try. In Uni I didn’t drink or anything, but I did fume a little bit. Shannon asked me to go running and near the end I was wheezing and stumbling like I had the Black Death. Fell downhill till I got home and spent the next two hours sprawled on the bathroom floor. I tried the same method today, lying on my back in the changing room. Close my eyes and feel the sweat and pain hover like a ghost around my body; too wholly and bodily incapacitated to even shower. Just lay there and wait for the sickness to pass. After a while I sorta regain consciousness, clean up and lean myself into a trishaw.
And then the threatening phone calls. Figure I haven’t paid my Dialog bill or something, but ‘1112’ calls like 5 times. I finally pick up and he spends like 2 minutes asking if I’m Indrajit Samarajiva. I ax him to call back cause I can’t hear shit but he won’t. He’s speaking Sinhala and I can’t hear or follow him, but I get little bits – ‘UNP’, ‘IT Times’, ‘I know where you live’, etc. Mmmm, so I figure this is like the usual hate mail except on the phone. I got nothing else to do so I try to follow but it’s really hard to hear and I can’t follow Sinhala without facial expressions. He switches to English and tells me not to fuck with him or whatever, so I guess he doesn’t want a callback. Money keeps saying he knows where I live so I ask him to come over for dinner sometime. He declines.
Come home and realize that I’ve lost my gate key. Hop our pointy fence, the ‘Disemboweler’ model. Amma explicitly told me to never to do this, even drawing a picture on a napkin illustrating the dire threat to the Samarajiva line. What to do. Take a look back and the small gate is actually unlocked, presumably so 1112 can disembowel me personally. Now I got a grease stain on my favorite linen pants. Worst thing to happen to me today.
Was thinking of switching to Body by Kris from Global Fitness…Had a tour of BBK last month and everything’s new and shiny and they have plenty of weights but not enough cardio machines…but all classes are free, they are building a sauna, and they even have massage! so am tempted. Let me know what u think of the gym after a week or two.
I would totally disregard the trainers–here in SL they have a tendency of over-training their clients and not giving enough days of recovery after work-outs. It makes one susceptible to injuries and other problems and most importantly the full benefits of a workout are lost in over-working tired muscles. You can’t just put a buff guy off the streets to become a trainer, there is a science to this that unfortunately is lost to gym owners here. Trainers can show u how to use a machine but that’s about all.
at Bodybykris things are different mate…
we got personal trainers whose gonna train you to the fullest potential.
we got nice cozy bathrooms. we got tons of equipment. we got energy snacks on the store for you…
We got beustifull receptionists on the front desk. (My wn beautifull sister at the receptionist…)
Come see the difference. feel the energy rushin through within you.
Visit us at http://www.bodybykris.com for more info.
Bodybykris – Where you build your Body. Where you Rock.
Peace
Kris Foray
Certified Personaol Trainer/Athlete/Body-Fitness Champion – Canada
http://www.bodybykris.com
Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that I like the place. It’s probably the best gym I’ve been to here or in CA. This story is mainly about me being a pussy, I guess I should do a review sometime.
I like your entry. It was funny.
How is the pricing like?
Hey Indi, vanity is not worth thrashing yourself over. I don’t know about you but throwing up after a gym session definitely doesn’t sound good irrespective of whether it’s a body promised by kris or kross. Take it easy.
Now, the issue with dialog seems to be a pretty big violation of your privacy? doing anything about it? I’d be mighty pissed. So does lirneasia advocate position on consumer privacy?
all good man, eating pate before going to the gym is stupid, that’s the real problem. The phone call had nothing to do with Dialog, i just thought it was, but that number just means international caller
Doing well to get hate calls from overseas. Keep it up.
throwing up isnt that big of a deal, especially if it was your first time doing it after a long break and you went hard
i hate running too though, you feel a lot worse after the fact… back when i ran track i used to feel like death at the end of races, i couldnt do anything but collapse on the grass
if you dont really care about actual health then you should just lift weights, same aesthetic benefits… actually its probably even better
hey…
..actually I’ve been to Body By Kris…just this week…and I have to say…they have lots of Cardio…they have like 6 treadmills…and they have this wicked machine…the ARC TRAINER…that’s what I think the machine is called…but it’s the best..it’s like a cross trainer..but way better…I think you should check it out divakar…I’m from the US…and this is the only gym that I can workout at in Colombo..
Hey Man, you should really get that phone call traced, don’t take it lightly, there’s some crazy shit that happens here.
I also go to Body By Kris, they didn’t have as much cardio before, but now they’ve got like amazing machines, I know that machine you’re talking about Shalini, it’s prety cool, but I must say, I’m there becasue everything about the gym gives me good energy, you actually feel like you’re working out in a real gym, worth checking out and the free internet access is not so bad either.
Make sure you trace that phone call indi!
Where is this gym, Body By Kris? I’ve never heard of it, what do they have there? How many aerobic classes do they have?
see
http://www.bodybykris.com
at 24 Gregory’s Rd Colombo 7 (just a little past CIS)
The membership (if two people join together) is 75,000 a year for both. (Single membership is about 43k) I have a friend who is interested in joining, if anyone wants to team up let me know. He wants to drop in to register tomorrow (Sat morning)
thx
Hi Kris, I’ve been trying to check up gym’s in Sri Lanka as we’d be moving to CMB end of January. From what I’ve heard/seen around terrified may need to get tetanus shot as equipment are sooo rackety! But then I heard of your establishment, but unfortunately am unable to access the site to check the place. Am a member of ‘ FitnessFirst ‘ wonder whether you heard of this chain …. check it out :) Puleeeze let me know whether you got various classes offered e.g: Pilates, Body Pump, Spinning. Body Balance etc., if not you gotta introduce them you’d be more popular. Please inform how I may learn further details.
Thanks!
Su