Background: The Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Patriarch of the West, Primate of Italy [wtf?], Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God. Foreground: Lil’ Jon, the King of Crunk.
Thinking about it, this is quite possibly both racist and offensive to Catholic people so, er, sorry.
I really want a black pope. That would completely blow my mind. The Times says ole Cardinal Ratzinger is the front-runner, but they really have no idea. I’ve said it before, but the ‘bulldog of the vatican’ scares me. I saw Desmond Tutu on the TV talking about a Nigerian Pope, but it seems that Francis Arinze is way back in the running. Based on my knowledge of the really sick Catholic clothes and parties I’d like to cast a write in for Atlanta’s King of Crunk, Lil’ Jon. He already has a huge
pimp pope cup with diamonds and shit. He is all about getting paid, which the Church verily is. It’s really hard to find, but the Catholic Church’s finances showed an income of 422 billion in 2001. Lil’ Jon also wears cool bright clothes and gets women with “too much booty in their pants” to dance, which I guess could apply to altar boys as well.
Seriously, both ‘Crunk Juice’ and ‘Kings of Crunk’ are good albums, not to mention that grimacing for paparazzi to show your platinum teeth is pretty close to my ideal of adult behavior. If it can’t be the Nigerian or a Hispanic pope, please make it Lil’ Jon. I think Big Jon would raise his pope cup to that. To quote Lil’ Jon, ‘Awww skeet skeet, motherfucker. Awww skeet skeet, goddam’.