sometimes it’s not all wedding cake
I was at this dhane, eating. A young woman started talking and went on to tell us a rather intense tale. She was married off to a wealthy man 15 years her senior, had two kids while he corralled her and fucked around, only painfully obtaining a divorce. She was Muslim if it matters. It happens all around.
Arranged marriages are great. I have met or heard about girls through my parents, and – while I haven’t hit it off with any – I think the idea is great. My cousin met her husband through the matrimonial ads, the families met, and now they’re settled with wonderful kids. It’s not how you choose a mate that matters, but it does matter that you choose.
The Muslim lady in question said she was 18 and felt pressured into it. Her husband promised her various freedoms and reneged, keeping her at home while he generally fucked around. This is my implication, but in these situations marital rape and abuse are not rare.
Now she’s got out of the marriage but is back in the family home. I’ve also seen this situation before. Having children means women need some support, both financially and in terms of childcare, and never end up fully independent. Plus getting a divorce still leaves a stigma on a woman, and the concept that a single mother would like to go out is also frowned upon.
This is not how arranged marriages usually end up, but it does happen often enough to be a problem. Personally, I think there should be a halfway house where women can crash, get child care, legal advice and access to career counseling and loans. The problem with abusive marriages is not so much awareness as lack of ability to act on that awareness. Any woman trying to break out has little social support, and thus there is also little incentive for the man to stop breaking the marriage.
Please note that I’ve seen abuse in both arranged and ‘love’, marriages. The title here refers to one particular situation but the issue is broader than that. I think it comes down to education, employment and independence of women, a metric that actually creates social good in multiple ways, ranging from sustainable birth rates, to happier, healthier kids.