Public Displays Of Abuse
Girl on the bus, India
The police are cracking down on courting couples and taking down indecent posters. Which is whatever, but I think they’re missing the point. A girl can’t take public transit without getting sexually harassed. I know exactly zero girls who haven’t been flashed at least once. A girl can get abuse or raped and it’s difficult to impossible to report. Marital rape is basically considered a part of marriage. It’s fucked up. I personally think half the men in this city need to be thrashed, including many in my social circle, but something socially must be done. We stand by and let way too much shit pass, and it’s more serious than posters and umbrellas. There’s a culture of rape on our streets and it has to stop.
A woman can’t walk the streets of Colombo. This is shocking, no, but we’re used to it. We consider it normal. But it wasn’t always this way, and it shouldn’t be. We have enough Army and cops to actually thrash every bugger that causes trouble, but that doesn’t happen. Instead people on a bus look at a girl funny if she makes a fuss. Like she was inviting something. But she’s not.
Sexual abuse is never the fault of the abused. There is no way you can dress or walk that invites or justifies abuse. I’m more attracted to a woman in a sari than one dancing atop a speaker in a miniskirt, but that’s not a license to yell or expose myself. But guys get away with that shit all the time, and we look at the girl funny.
And then the cops run around taking down posters of scantily clad women. Like that’s the problem. What about the pervy men? I know and love girls that have been abused and it makes me sick. It makes me sick that my friends can’t walk down the street without getting catcalls and verbal abuse. And it makes me nauseous that people grow up with this and consider it a normal environment.
This cancer spreads from our streets and men think they can get away with anything. Women fear reporting anything. And then it all becomes true. This has to stop. There is a culture of rape that begins with the casual harassment we accept on our streets. It is hurting Sri Lankan women and it’s hurting Sri Lankan families. Beyond stopping public displays of affection, the police need to crack down on public displays of abuse.
excellent piece mate. the authorities, truly are, are missing the point.
“Sexual abuse is never the abusers fault.”
*fault of the abused?
Yes, pedantic, I know.
As for culture, it’s a matter what you’re taught, through word or example, when you grow up, I guess.
Morals?
Really good post Indi… It’s funny how everyone seems to blame a girl for the way she dresses, and men never get blamed for the way they behave.
I agree completely the problem is even people with power can be called abusers. The other day I was outside cool planet and a young fairly good looking girl was crossing the road, a Land Rover Defender full of oafs attached to a Ministers security detail pulled up to her and were trying to get her to jump in to the jeep, remarks were made which I didn’t hear but obviously made the girl uncomfortable. This happened at 4 in the evening there were police on the road bu now I think they were more interested in arresting couples holding hands as opposed to 8 thuggish men in a government vehicle behaving like hooligans who have never seen a woman before.
Meanwhile, someone named Nigel quite wisely chose to pretend not to have seen it.
I think the roots go beyond the street harassment. I think it goes all the way back to the sexual abuse in boys schools. SL guys grow up being abused and abusing others in turn. And it’s all covered up in a boys-will-be-boys attitude by the school authorities and parents, even when it’s full on rape, as long as it’s not done by an adult. We’ve all heard the jokes about St Thomas’ and Trinity, we laugh at what happens on away matches, etc. And it carries over into adulthood. The Army is like a boys’ boarding for adults — recruits are abused by instructors, and then in turn abuse other recruits. So there’s a general casual attitude towards sexual abuse that stems from growing up with abuse. It’s all just a big joke until your sister gets gang-raped. No one cares, especially the authorities, who just don’t want anyone discussing it, so they bust couples and take down hoardings because that’s visible.
And this busting of couples is nothing new. As long as I can remember they’ve been at it — I mean they bust couples doing it in cars down dark lanes — it’s not public indecency, it’s just police harassment.
Good to know that people are understanding the nature of Police harassment, which Tamil people of the Northeast had to endure all these years.
The larger question is what is the law on public indecency? And how is it implemented. We all know that in Sri Lanka we are, sadly, not a law abiding citizenry. Police discipline needs to be instilled and then proper law enforcement
Myil, you’re a tit. Is there no subject into which you won’t try to shoehorn a Tamil angle? reminds me of the post Indi did on crepes, which spawned an argument in which this idiot claimed that crepes were invented by Tamils. There has been police harassment of everyone in SL regardless of ethnicity long before the NE became an issue. Try and get a grip.
lol…I remember that. Probably Myl Selvam himself who was responsible…or was it that lunatic Ashanthi?
No, it was a guy. There was this dude who kept changing his name every few weeks.
Dear Mr.Blacker,
sorry to disappoint you. But my point is true. People only realize when it happens to them. It is true of all people and I include myself. you are right in saying police harassment has been endured by all communities but the Tamil community in particular have had to endure an accentuated version of it. In fact worse things have happened to Tamil women.
Example: the amparai Tamil woman, who was raped by police and then a grenade was shoved into her vagina and blown up. Koneshwari was her name, type it in google and find out more.
Why are the atrocities of the LTTE blown out of proportion while GoSL atrocities swept under the carpet?? Is this not a legitimate question to put forward??
“sorry to disappoint you”
Don’t be sorry. I know you can’t help being a disappointment.
“the Tamil community in particular have had to endure an accentuated version of it”
Tough titty. You shouldn’t send out suicide bombers disguised as civilians if you want your civilians treated well. It’s your own fault.
“Why are the atrocities of the LTTE blown out of proportion”
How exactly do you blow an atrocity out of proportion? An atrocity is an atrocity.
1. “Don’t be sorry. I know you can’t help being a disappointment”.
I’m not here to win a popularity contest. Just here to bring out the whole truth
2.”Tough titty. You shouldn’t send out suicide bombers disguised as civilians if you want your civilians treated well. It’s your own fault”.
Where were the suicide bombers in 1956? 58? 77? 81?
Suicide bombers were a result of GoSL atrocities, do you agree??
“How exactly do you blow an atrocity out of proportion? An atrocity is an atrocity”.
Why not ask your media friends? you got links, right?
Let me help you out a bit:
Publishing photos and life stories of sinhalese who died and their lost dreams to whip up fervour among sinhalese people, while none of that sort for Tamil people who were killed by GoSL forces, no photos and sometimes not even mentioning the story.
I still don’t see you willing to accept GoSL armed forces atrocities? I accept LTTE atrocities because it’s all part of the WHOLE TRUTH.
1. “I’m not here to win a popularity contest. Just here to bring out the whole truth”
Then you’re a disappointment in that too, Myil. You are not bringing out the whole truth. You are plugging your version of it. Your side of it. You largely ignore the subject of the post (which is basically disrespectful to the author) and repeat your mantra regardless of whether the post is about tourism, seafood, or police harassment.
2. “Where were the suicide bombers in 1956? 58? 77? 81?”
Where was the military harassment in 1956, ’58, or ’77? There may have been occasional violent ethnic riots, as well as some police harassment (the latter of which was suffered by the Sinhalese in ’71). Military focus on Tamil civilians started in the ’80s with the militarisation of Tamil separatism. It was the separatists who CHOSE violent rebellion in the late ’70s as a strategy when peaceful protests failed. This decision was NOT in the face of GoSL military offensives, which were only undertaken in RESPONSE to separatist violence. The separatists chose the military option because they were frustrated by their OWN Tamil leadership who they thought was ineffectual in fighting the Tamil corner. The separatists chose to fight from amongst civilians. They consciously endangered the civilians. It’s a tried and trusted guerrilla practice, Myil. Are you seriously claiming to be ignorant of it? You know as well as I do, Myil, that one of the great lies of Tamil separatist propaganda (that has unfortunately been successful overseas) is that the Tamil separatist movement was a result of the July ’83 riots, which it was not. The ’83 riots were in fact a (misguided) result of Tamil military action against the SL Army. I hope you’re really open to the whole truth as you claim.
“Suicide bombers were a result of GoSL atrocities, do you agree??”
No, I do not. The suicide bombers were a result of the LTTE’s inability to fight the SL Army on the battlefield. The first Tiger suicide bomber drove a truck into an SL Army camp in ’87 because he was heartbroken at the separatists’ retreat from Kobekkaduwa’s Vadamarachchi offensive. Suicide bombing was a military/terrorist tactic, nothing more, and came into being because the LTTE had no conventional means of reaching into the south of SL.
“Publishing photos and life stories of sinhalese who died and their lost dreams to whip up fervour among sinhalese people, ”
This exactly what is done by sites like Tamilnet and so many other Tamil separatist media organisations, from blogs to websites to newsletters. It’s hardly one-sided. Were you born yesterday, Myil, that you missed all the rubbish published throughout the ’90s, this century, and even today?
“while none of that sort for Tamil people who were killed by GoSL forces, no photos and sometimes not even mentioning the story.”
Isn’t that natural, that both sides merely focus on their own losses. For example, can you see any articles on http://www.transcurrents.com that laments the deaths of caused by the LTTE? On the other hand, there are plenty in memory of the Tigers and the Tamils. You don’t need media friends or connections, Myil, just hit Google — it’s there for the world to see, if the WHOLE truth is really what you seek.
1. I’m not here to please everybody. You can indulge yourself in insults and snide remarks, that’s not my game.
I’m only trying to bring out the problems faced by Tamil people in this country, because in this country those problems have not been entirely brought out. That does not mean I’m trying to stereotype or cover up the sins of any particular side. In SL the media (sinhala and English) has been very poor in bringing out atrocities committed by GoSL forces against Tamils, this includes print, radio, TV and web. Hence, mainly, the sinhalese people do not get the real picture. And that’s what the GoSL wants. It’s about influencing people here in SL that’s what I was getting at about media’s portrayal of atrocities.
Not everyone has access to Google but let’s hope these ‘Nenensalas’ will change that.
2.”Where was the military harassment in 1956, ‘58, or ‘77?
What? Do you seriously believe SWRD or JR were doing the dirty work themselves? It was the military (police and armed forces) coupled with goons, the military itself could have been considered a goon squad, that did it. You talk as if though you don’t understand how terror works.
There may have been occasional violent ethnic riots, as well as some police harassment”
What do you mean, “There may have”, seriously get yourself out of your cocoon and come live the SL life! You don’t seem willing to accept that riots even took place, then what’s the point in anyone trying to engage with you? Hypocrisy seems a virtue to you?
Wake up, Mr. Blacker, GoSL’s violent methods and terrorism led to the violence and terrorism of the Tamil groups. If the GoSL had given into the reasonable demands of the Tamil polity there would have been no violence or civil war. It was the GoSL or more appropriately the sinhala political leadership that sowed the seeds of terror and violence. The first political assassination came from like minded people. If you sow the wind don’t be surprised if you reap the whirlwind.
I will give you credit that suicide bombings are a military/guerrilla/terrorist tactic but this whole cycle of violence started with the GoSL stubbornly refusing any agreement or abrogating agreements on the whims and fancies of the sinhala extremists. Sinhala extremism/GoSL is the cause for this cycle of violence. Do you agree?
Peaceful protests were responded to by State/Sinhala terror that’s what caused the Tamil militants to resort to violence.
The fact that you did not want to accept that there were riots in 56, 58, 77, etc, etc is disturbing and only shows your bankruptcy and racist and hypocritical undertones.
What I said about the media applied to Sri Lankan media, mainly print and TV. Media coming forth from SL has been mainly sinhala centric on political issues and sometimes downright racist. But that is to be expected from a society still with one leg in a feudalistic past. But thanks to the internet from the second have of the 90s to this decade there has been somewhat a better balance but still web media from SL is sinhala centric. The Sri Lankan foreign ministry (or external affairs ministry) put out a list of terrorist attacks and it was all about LTTE atrocities. The GoSL is only supporting the sinhala side of things?? Doesn’t that strike you as odd? or racist?? I thought the GoSL was supposed to be for all the people in SL?? This is what has caused all this cycle of violence, because the GoSL puts out the sinhala side of things, you can’t deny it?
1. Myil, no one’s insulted you, though I admit to mocking your rather blinkered version of events. If you think that the SL media is going to highlight the atrocities committed by GoSL forces with equal volume as those of the LTTE, you’re extremely naive. SL does not have a free press, and even the somewhat free press is happy to plug their own agendas. You will note the British government has now apologised for the Bloody Sunday shootings FORTY YEARS after the event. The western Allies have never apologised for things like the fire bombing of Dresden or for the destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The US took decades to even acknowledge that it had abused the civil and human rights of the Japanese Americans of WW2. We are one year into our post-war period, and given that certain western media, along with Tamil nationalist groups are committed to highlighting ONLY the GoSL’s crimes, this is only natural.
2. “Do you seriously believe SWRD or JR were doing the dirty work themselves? It was the military (police and armed forces) coupled with goons, the military itself could have been considered a goon squad, that did it. ”
Almost all of the violence and intimidation was aimed at Tamil politicians and groups, and NOT at the general population (except in the case of the ethnic riots). To call it terror is absurd, and indicates that you clearly don’t know what the word means. The level of violence was probably on par with what Premadasa unleashed on the trade unions in the early ’90s. The general Tamil population began to be affected only in the ’80s, after Tamil nationalism had taken up the military option.
“What do you mean, “There may have”, seriously get yourself out of your cocoon and come live the SL life!”
Myil, when I say “may” I’m not casting doubt on the fact that these riots took place. I am using the phrase in the same way that I might say “the sky may be blue now, but it will be red at sunset”, if you were to claim that the sky is always blue. My point was that violent events such as ethnic riots happened on average no more than once a decade (which is still pretty bad), and not as a constant part of Tamil life in SL. I say this in response to your claim that the Tamil militants took up arms in response to GoSL violence. They did not. They took up arms because they were frustrated by peaceful and democratic protests (and rightly so). As I said before, it is false to claim that the war in the NE was sparked by Black July; it wasn’t. The ’83 riots were sparked by the war. It then contributed to the escalation by driving thousands of young Tamils into the arms of the separatists.
“GoSL’s violent methods and terrorism led to the violence and terrorism of the Tamil groups”
Again, Myil, this is not true. The separatists were terrorizing and assassinating people (including Tamils such as Jaffna mayor Alfred Duriappah) well before the GoSL had thrown the full weight of the military against the terrorists. If at all, it was the separatist terror that reaped the whirlwind of heavy-handed SL Army reactions. It was the same during the ’87 JVP insurrection — large portions of the SL military were sympathetic towards the commies until they started to use terror. Then the gloves came off, and the JVP was wiped out like parasites.
I certainly agree that it was Sinhalese racist policies that created Tamil separatism, and I definitely think that Tamil militant separatism was justified at the time. But nothing justified the terror strategy carried out by the separatists, the brutal targeting of civilians in the border areas by direct action, and those in Colombo with parcel bombs as they did in Pettah and Maradana. To say that separatist terror was in revenge for GoSL terror is a lie. Separatist terrorism was a calculated strategy, because the LTTE and other groups had no other strategic weapons in their arsenal. If your cause is just, Myil, you shouldn’t have to lie to justify it.
“Sinhala extremism/GoSL is the cause for this cycle of violence. Do you agree?”
Personally, Myil, I think the Tamils are just as racist and arrogant as the Sinhalese. The only difference is that there are more Sinhalese than Tamils, so y’all got the shitty end of the stick. As you are well aware, the LTTE demonstrated this racism by chasing the Muslims out of Jaffna, an ethnic group that was a minority there. You’re quite right that racist Sinhalese policies created an environment for terrorist groups such as the Tigers to thrive, but the Tamils are really no better. And regardless of the roots of the matter, you must understand that when you pick up a gun, you either win or take the consequences.
“The fact that you did not want to accept that there were riots in 56, 58, 77, etc, etc is disturbing and only shows your bankruptcy and racist and hypocritical undertones.7″
I hope you now accept that it was in fact your misunderstanding of my response that led to the above assumption. Periodic ethnic riots are a recorded piece of SL’s post-independence history.
“Media coming forth from SL has been mainly sinhala centric”
Of course. SL is mainly Sinhalese. What do you expect — a disproportionate Tamil representation in the media?
“The Sri Lankan foreign ministry (or external affairs ministry) put out a list of terrorist attacks and it was all about LTTE atrocities. ”
Again, why are you surprised? Have you read many US foreign department lists of American atrocities in Iraq, or UK foreign ministry reports on British atrocities in WW2? And before you have a fit, believe me, there were many atrocities in both instances.
“The GoSL is only supporting the sinhala side of things?? Doesn’t that strike you as odd? or racist??”
The GoSL is supporting the government side of things, not the Sinhalese side. If the GoSL side of things parallel the Sinhalese side that’s because — hello? — SL comprises largely of Sinhalese. Also, if you feel the GoSL is mostly supporting the Sinhalese viewpoint, how come many of the victims in that list of atrocities are also Muslims and Tamils?
“I thought the GoSL was supposed to be for all the people in SL??”
That’s what I also thought. However, the Tamil separatists and their supporters didn’t (and don’t) consider themselves Sri Lankan — they considered themselves citizens of Tamil Eelam, and were fighting for their independence from what they considered an occupying power. You can’t have it both ways, Myil — if Tamils wish to be considered Sri Lankan they must act like Sri Lankans; if they act like Eelamians (or whatever it is). then how can they complain if they are not treated as Sri Lankans?
“This is what has caused all this cycle of violence, because the GoSL puts out the sinhala side of things, you can’t deny it?”
Unfortunately, Myil, that’s what happens when you decide to take up arms and go to war. You must win. You can’t expect to fight and kill and then expect to be treated like old friends after you lose. It’s not a cricket match — we can’t all go back to the pavilion for a cup of tea as if nothing happened. Look what happened to Germany and Japan — devastated, divided for decades, every aspect of their administration under constant scrutiny. You didn’t see them going around crying that they wanted Poland back, or Nanking, or that they thought Oppenheimer & co should be prosecuted for war crimes.
It’ll take the NE Tamils a long time to get back on their feet, and if you want to help them, stop whining about who did what and go help them rebuild a house or a school.
Remember once upon a time SLTB introduced a Female only bus service. But it ended up as failure since these women not shown interest to travel on such bus!
1st government must increase public transport fleet. This will reduce abuse on public transport mediums.
And reserve half of seats of a public transport mediums to women.
Raaske, your sense of justice seems to be in a 1:1 ratio with your command of the english language. I suggest you try to improve both
In Tamil Nadu, they already have one side of the bus reserved for women. They also have women only police stations to make it easy for women to make complaints and raise other issues. This is a positive development for a conservative society, where women’s issues may not be brought out clearly or fully. The other reason is that of stigma. In conservative societies stigma plays a very big role and reserving certain things can help to overcome issues related to stigma, etc.
And we must tell women to wear decently..
Don’t you see girls started to show some part of their butt in public? Or at-least their inner wears? They are showing their tills (as its mentioned in Sri Lanka) for long time.
What ever the dress they better wear it decently and not exhibiting.
Indi won’t get aroused for mini skirt as he is so called american canadian. But we Sri Lankans. Solution should be a Sri lankan model (Thanks MR)
Well, while we’re at it why don’t we introduce chastity belts. I heard they were all the rave in 1299.
http://ambermumble.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/chastity_belt.jpg
Indi, this is a piece which is good and timely. I’ve been wondering when a male member of the species will actually stand up and put such ideas out there. And I’m glad that its finally happening.
Nigel, I don’t think Raaske is a neanderthal. Just under-educated. As Indi mentioned before, Sri Lanka of the past before colonialism was a lot more liberal. If a woman of the past, dressed in a short blouse and skirt (reddha and hatte) or sari baring there midriffs and cleavage, were to get on a bus or any other form of public transport in the present, I’m sure she’d be amazed at how much verbal abuse she suffers at the hands of the people in that vehicle. I’ve seen women who’re decently dressed, who’re elderly, who’re PREGNANT….. be abused verbally and physically (sexually) on public transport, sometimes by boys who aren’t old enough to shave!
Raaske, what you need to understand and educate yourself on is the fact that these abusive ways have very, very little or nothing at all to do with the way a woman dresses or carries herself. There shouldn’t be any particular way a women has to dress or behave that INVITES abuse, from ANYONE! It has more to do with the mindset that boys and men grow up with. As David Blacker mentioned, it may have to do with physical and sexual abuse in boys schools. We’ve all heard and joked about such stories. The casual attitude about such matters by school and parental authorities may mean that those who participate in such situations in ANY form, aren’t taught how to integrate oneself into society, aren’t taught that it isn’t acceptable in the big wide world and continue to believe that they can act as they did in school, however they please.
Like men are allowed to wear whatever they want, women are too. They have a brain of their own and, lo and behold, can make decisions for themselves. They can provide for themselves and their children when there isn’t a man in their lives (I’ve heard more stories about men re-marrying when their wives pass away or leave them, rather than women re-marrying. And I’m not talking about just this or the last century either!) and they aren’t the weaker sex since some of them do have enough strength to put behind a punch that can knock a man out! None of this has to do with feminism or being brought up in another country and culture. It has to do with how and individual (man or woman) sees oneself. And its just plain fact. Fact that a lot of people tend to overlook and to forget.
So Raaske, did you ever stop to think that the reason those women didn’t get on a womens’ only bus was because they didn’t see the need for special treatment and because they figured that men should know better to keep their hands to themselves and their private parts IN THEIR PANTS?! And what if its a child who has been abused on public transport? Would the abuse be the child’s fault?
“If a woman of the past, dressed in a short blouse and skirt (reddha and hatte) or sari baring there midriffs and cleavage, were to get on a bus or any other form of public transport in the present, I’m sure she’d be amazed at how much verbal abuse she suffers at the hands of the people in that vehicle”
Anyone notice how I said ‘people’? Women have to take some of the blame for what happens in such situations NOT (and Raaske notice I’m saying NOT!) because of the way they dress or behave but because their jealousy and their own low self esteem prevents them from standing up for their own. I’m embarassed to say that in some situations its women who’re quick to point a finger at the abused and give a free pass to the abuser.
As a whole I think people need an attitude overhaul. Men should know that abuse towards women in any form is unacceptable. Women should know that they should never stand for such abuse and are capable of doing their part to stop such situations. We all agree that the authorities, in their effort to stamp out abuse, are going about this the wrong way. Does anyone have a suggestion as to what we can do to change their attitude?
So does anyone know how Sri Lanka is doing compared to the rest of the world. Maybe if people started have more sex at a younger age some of these problems will go away.
But might end up with more bastards than the UK and USA combined?
That’s OK, the cabinat will only get more ministers.
@raaske
No woman ever deserves abuse. I don’t care if she’s walking naked. You can arrest her for public indecency, but it’s not an invitation to molestation or rape.
Sri Lankan model? Until we inherited Victorianism from the British we were much more liberal than them. But that’s beside the point. If you can’t control your arousal that’s your problem, it’s not an invitation to abuse.
Agreed! well said.
So according to Raaske we need to segregate women by having separate seating areas and we have to cover them up, to solve the problem, if that’s the case do young boys have to stop wearing shorts and banyans?
http://www.dailymirror.lk/index.php/news/4157-seven-arrested-for-rape-.html
And Indi may have been born and educated abroad but so have I in Kuwait where every woman is covered didn’t mean that I NEED to fuck every woman showing a bit of skin when I came to Sri Lanka. Raaske your a neanderthal and you and your kind are the ones that have fucked Sri Lanka up.
Good point.
I guess the cultural bounds that insulate people from sexual education plays a major role in this issue. We boast of a great culture but in inside the system is badly flawed. The only way to overcome this is to change the attitudes of people. But we don’t have to worry about this because it’s not gonna happen in foreseeable future.
Anyway people who care can “Be the change you wanna see in the world”.
This is a good piece, but lets not get carried away with the extrapolating. You either know a very strange set of girls, or do not know many girls, if you say every girl you know has been flashed. I know of exactly one girl who has been flashed (ad no, I’m not a loser who only knows one girl :P). I don’t deny that it happens often, but let’s not make it seem like no girl can walk on the street anywhere in the country without being flashed.
Not true. Virtually every woman who takes public transport or walks on the streets of colombo has been subjected to some sort of abuse- even if its just verbal thought its almost always more.
Can you define abuse more clearly, what do you think constitute as abuse. Is something like catcalling abuse?
I would call that harassment not abuse, but that is still wrong.
@murad: am a girl too, and i know more girls than boys, obviously, since i went to a girls school, lived in a girls hostel etc. And i agree with indi. I know exactly zero girls who have not been flashed or harassed in public transport. so, maybe it’s you that knows a VERY strangely lucky set (?) of girls
sorry, that was @ dilan
Dilan, it’s not only about being flashed. Sexual abuse comes in various forms and every single girl has at some point been subject to it. Be it on public transport, walking down the street, at a mall, a convention etc. Regardless of what you wear, whether revealing or not, seductive or a royally unflattering pair of sweats, the fact remains that you are always susceptible to abuse.
Chanux puts it well with her comment on attitudes. It pretty much boils down to that. That’s the change we need.
* Chanux puts it well with his comment on attitudes. It pretty much boils down to that. That’s the change we need.
Looks like we have a whole spectrum of viewpoints ..
from an artistic point of view, how did you manage to take that photo? zoom from another vehicle travelling next to the bus?
He took it after abusing her sexually ;)
why comments not published?
>> You may not cared if women walked naked.. As some men like to see some exhibiting girls.. If women not wearing decently it is clear she is offering.. Ya offering for tenders.. For best offer..
And can you please explain what is meant by decency? Can you please explain why your women at your home wearing properly? You said you won’t care if they walked naked even.. Then why they hide them-self? even they know you are not going to abuse them, they won’t. Isn’t it. You ever thought about it?
I dont want to defend guys who abuse. But as practical solution we have to tell women to wear decently and then punish abusers.
Separate seating mean not a curtain in between! Ensure women commuters getting enough seating ..
We can’t talk about men who is not average and talk about solution. We have to talk about average men. So we are not worried about guys who dont get aroused if a women walking naked.
HERE GUYS YOU ALL TRYING TO SHOW YOUR GIRLS THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING FEMINISM. BY THAT YOU WANT TO PROMOTE GIRLS TO EXPOSE AND YOU WANT TO FANTASIES..
What does dress ‘decently’ mean exactly? To some people a mini skirt would suffice, for other a Hijab. Just because I find a woman attractive doesn’t mean I go touch her or catcall. The men in this country do not understand what social norms are and how to have normal interactions with women. Most probably because of the ridiculous Victorian attitudes that prevail here.
What’s funny is I had an argument with someone on FB about this. The person was invoking our culture, etc as a reason for taking the hoardings down but when it was pointed out to her that our ‘culture’, the ancient version anyways was a lot more relaxed with regard to sexuality, she did an about turn and said since we now live with Victorian values we should live with those. So much for the ‘culture’ excuse.
well done Indi. Great post.
Timely post Indi. I think any woman who uses public transport/walks on the road is liable to abuse.
Here’s my list of 23 years-
Guy rubbing himself on my friends and me on the bus – this was during a day after school while IN school uniform. (@raaske “And we must tell women to wear decently..” uh-huh)
Guy getting off next to me on the bus, under his laptop bag. I changed seats and no-one said a thing.
Men throwing water/? on me from a lorry while I walked on the road
Countless, and i mean COUNTLESS numbers of verbal abuse, cat calling, whispered insinuations.
My friends being touched/groped in public places, even carnivals
Friends being harassed while with their own boyfriends in cars at night
Bus conductors getting frisky each time they pass you on the bus while you stand
Saw some guys sharing a video of a girl on their phones, taken secretly from a phone-cam on the bus
So yeah. Sri Lanka. Koheda yanne, malle pol.
This happens elsewhere too. Don’t think Sri Lanka is so special :)
really? like where?
And so, because it does, it makes it….less important?
It happens everywhere all around the world. I don’t think anyone can deny that. if such behavior is universal it may not be fixable by merely trying to change elements of our culture.
You’re dead right Dodo.
No, B.I., it doesn’t make it less important. What it does do, however, is remove this idiotic attitude that everything in SL sucks, while looking at the West through rose tinted glasses.
Sexual harasment happens to varying degrees, everywhere. But the problem on Colombo’s streets/public transport is extreme. Worse in my experience than anywhere in east/ south east asia. Worse than the little ive seen of africa, but more or less as bad as in the arab world, and parts, not all parts, of india. Sri Lanka a country that has good social indicators and is renowned for first female prime minister etc. should not have the same scale of problem as egypt, pakistan etc. But it does.
halin, it’s patently absurd to to say that it is safer for a woman to walk the streets of Africa than in Sri lanka. in South Africa alone, one of the more civilized African countries, 1 in 4 men admitted to having raped a woman at least once and half of those admitted to raping more than once and most of these people were teenagers when they had their first ‘experience’.
@Dodo: Of course it’s fixable by changing elements of a culture. While human evils cannot be completely eradicated,, they can be controlled and managed quite effectively through modernizing laws, implementing them, and conditioning individuals from birth. That is why different societies have differing degrees of any human problem. I would rather experience minor harassment 1% of the time than major harassment 100% of the time. I have NEVER experience harassment or abuse on the streets / in public places / public trasportation etc in all my years in the U.S. Never. My sister refused to go to school if she had to take the bus. So if my parents were busy, she just wouldn’t go. And guess how many bus stops (bus halts) she had to travel… Just two! Yep, she wouldn’t ride two bus stops to school. And the level of harassment in Sri Lanka is getting worse by the day, from all I hear.
I meant to also add that, In Sri Lanka I experienced harassment and abuse all the time. That is, every day, several times a day. It was so common, most of the time, you don’t even think about it. Otherwise you won’t be able to live cos you are constantly thinking about harassment you experienced. And no one needs to tell me harassment happens in the U.S. I’m sure it does. Rape happens too. And being a huge country, there are major geographical differences. My point is that human evils are a matter of degree, and they can be controlled and managed very effectively. And it doesn’t have to involve burkas and women-only buses either, which are not true answers to the problem.
raaske is obviously someone who thinks its totally legit to go force himself on a woman who is dressed in a short skirt just because he is turned on. That is not culture, you idiot, that is called rape/abuse and it is an offence in this country.
He also thinks it’s to right to drink the blood of newborns, but there are caveats though. :( The baby has to be of relatively dark complexion & of the female gender
Drop raaske on a nude beach, he will go limp in no time. Oh forgot, there are no such things in Sri Lanka. Give him a playboy mag.
Comment by The way of the Dodo
2010-06-13 01:07:33
It happens everywhere all around the world. I don’t think anyone can deny that. if such behavior is universal it may not be fixable by merely trying to change elements of our culture.
Well I haven’t been around the world but I’ve never experienced it in Kuwait, Thailand or Malaysia, as much as I have seen it for my own eyes in Sri Lanka the only other place I have lived in that was worse was Maldives which is strange because like the way Sri Lanka is heading there are no “as some may say revealing” clothes and “indecent” hoardings in Male’ in fact much like Sri Lanka “EVERYTHING IS COVERED UP”. And after Raaske’s last comment, with much respect to KG I still think Raaske is a neanderthal incapable of help and forward thinking.
Well, Nigel you are not going to see too much of groping in Kuwait because the laws there are ridiculous. And in places like thailand sex is relatively cheap so there is no reason for repressed teenagers to go round groping school girls, but there are other far worse problems for women there. This type of sexual harassment is common in societies where sex is a little taboo, for example Japan has had massive problems with people getting groped in the tube.
er I have lived in Japan and the problem is nothing close to the scale of Sri Lankas. Only Bangladesh, Egypt, parts of India have anything comparable. South Africas crime problems are extreme, no stable(ish) african country Kenya, Botswana, Ghana, Tanzania have anything like the rates of crime/rape that south africa has. South Africa is relatively rich but hugely unequal therefore has massive rates of crime. Im not saying Africa is necesserily safer for women but the frequency of harassment, groping, indecent exposure, cat calling, is less, certainy in many african countries than in Sri Lanka. Ask anyone who has travelled. Sri Lanka’s problem with sexual harassment is very severe its not normal either in East Asia or Africa. But its not that unusual for South Asia/ Arab world, Pakistan, Iran, Bangladesh. Though i now think the problem here is worse than in India which is amazing and unacceptable, that wasnt the case even 10 years ago.
Right, you having lived in japan makes your assertions more qualified that a whole bunch of statistics. But if have lived in Japan you should at least be fairly familiar with all those cute chikan warning signs.
As for africa, you might want to think a little about why groping is less common in those countries while other sexual offences higher
The signs are the point. Chikan is seen as a problem, there are police crack downs and men are arrested. How many men have been arrested for groping in SL? And again the scale is not the same not every woman/ girl who uses japanese public transport has been groped it maybe a reasonable percentage but its not 90%. In SL it is close 100% ask any young bus using women you know. As for the comments on africa insinuating that africans are a bunch of rapists those are just ignorant and racist. Most non war torn african countries have reasonable crime rates, including rape.
I remember about 8 or so years ago, my sister was walking with my mom, she was probably 14ish. She’s pretty liberal, so was wearing tights. They were just going to the neighbourhood shop. This fucking three wheel driver man drives by and grops her ass. She was 14. I remember she started crying.
This gropping stuff has little to do with what women wear. In Egypt you find people gropping women wearing hijabs. Google it.
Problem is: It’s a sexually repressed society, so naturally, deep human instincts kick in when you see an object of sexual gratification, causing the more daring amongst us to act on such urges.
Hell I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get urges, I do, I just don’t act on them, and having sex or even a girlfriend to play around with diminishes those urges else where, naturally.
I don’t think it has anything to do with being “abused”, that’s a load of crap. It’s called having a penis and being a man and no form of sexual gratification until you’re married or whatever and sex being taboo.
With net porn gone, I’d imagine these things to pick up even more.
This has nothing to do with Buddhism either. The Buddha has said, NO SEXUAL MISCONDUCT, which includes these kinds of ugly behaviour, while at the same time, does not discourage healthy relationships and sex in such relationships.
As for the article, no amount of suppression can stop people from falling in love and expressing that love in ways they seem fit, so I wonder how long this stuff will go on for, given the history of Sri Lanka, these laws hopefully won’t be enforced after a while.
“This his has nothing to do with Buddhism either. The Buddha has said, NO SEXUAL MISCONDUCT, which includes these kinds of ugly behaviour, while at the same time, does not discourage healthy relationships and sex in such relationships.”
Nothing to do with Buddhism, but everything to do with the bastardized Buddhism followed in Sri Lanka, errr… the “Sinhala-Buddhist” Culture–a culture straight out of the British Victorian Culture, that we have now adopted as ours–along with the rest of the Sri Lankan religious cultures which are equally bad, the Islamic, Hindu and the Catholic cultures in Sri Lanka area all root causes of the problem as well. The religions themselves may or may not be bad, but their practice and culture in Sri Lanka sure is. All of them.
It could also be ignorance on the part of some of these men. They seem to think that it’s their right. It can’t be their right, for those who think that, stop wanking for a week or two and check out some hot arabian covered up momma’s, and just examine, even while they are covered head to toe, where you mind will take you.
So if that’s the case, how can you say it’s your right to do so, because of a way a girl was dressed?
I think the solution to this is injecting a daily dose of hot porno to the national curriculum, they can call it the Daily Female Appreciation or DFA studies.
That way they won’t be take for surprise when a little bit of skin or a shapely figure is seen.
Or alternatively we can pass a law that says women should not wear any clothes. I strongly believe that this will work, it’s exactly the opposite of what those Taliban are doing. It will work because, what you see everyday won’t be so awesomely sexual anymore.
Hell, that’s how we did it before those suda’s landed. Sri Lankan women used to walk around bearing their boobies for all to be seen.
Then again, the messed up thing is, all our women will have saggy tits.
Saggy tits or sexual harassment? That’s a hard one.
See, I’m sexually harassing the female population verbally. I’m sorry girls, I have a penis. Feel free to cut it off, but I warn you, you’ll have to touch it in the process…. chop chop.
I’ve got another idea. Turn all these men into casanovas. Tell them they can touch but only if they work real hard on it. :)
And no means no, but sometimes yes. Teach em’.
Sometime back, i wrote an article to GV http://www.groundviews.org/2009/07/13/on-womens-attire-and-gender-equality-pondering-on-the-long-way-ahead/) where I stressed the need for a consistent state policy on these issues.
The bad thing, as Mr Blacker says above, is that these problems have been knocking around for a long, long time, without anything being done. I’m a Trinitian myself, and I know exactly how ‘abuse’ is perpetrated among the country’s so-called ‘elite’ kids….
Sexual abuse continues because people know they can just move on after committing such acts…so any reform must start from high school…at Trinity, a few classmates of mine were sacked by the late Warren Breckenridge (TCK principal at the time) for involvement in (homo)sexual abuse (on minors – a legally punishable offense). But that was not enough, and to change things, the issue should be addressed & discussed openly.
Secondly, it is important to work on gender equality in terms of sexuality – i.e. encouraging women to make their own choices and propagate safe sex among young people. But to do all this, SL needs a more progressive and futuristic group of policymakers, who understand the Lankan people and their problems, and want to make Lanka a better place. For the moment, all we out here can do is to help develop awareness and a constructive dialogue.
What I’d really like to see is some statistics about abuse in Sri Lanka
In my limited time compared to most folk here, I’ve never heard of such abuses. I’m a private school boy myself, and this is the first time I’m hearing about these things. I’m not denying they happen, maybe just confirming the fact that outside those limited social circles, the rest of us have no clue what’s going on.
I came from a similar schooling background, and the abuse is undeniably there. especially in some sports teams. Not so much in class though
In my experience, and from what I’ve heard from friends, in some schools it’s sort of a tradition, and sexual abuse permeates every sports and extracurricular activity — from the rugby and swimming teams to the choir boys to the cadet corps to the boy scouts. Let’s not even talk about the boarding schools. From what I know, it wasn’t a huge problem in my own school, but we were constantly aware of it, and everyone knew someone who’d been involved in it as a victim or perpetrator. There are also numerous accounts of abuse by sports coaches and masters-in-charge which are just ignored by the school authorities or hushed up.
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