A Personal Post (Mortem)
This is me, last year
It’s been a while. You change when you’re with people, doing things. There’s an entire world that goes unrecorded. Words of great and little import that just disappear. The girl that loved me, I let her go. The one I can’t forget has forgotten me. I’ve abdicated blogging in the hope that some hard work can make it bigger in five years. In the hope that some random kid will come up to me and say that some fun facts about snakes made a difference for him. It did for me, a long time ago. Just having something to read, that’s how I ended up on the Internet anyways. I don’t even like print anymore, but that’s where I began, and Sri Lanka is just beginning. I work till 10 or 11, I work with people, I work for people – none of which I’m especially comfortable with. I get home, maybe jerk off, go to sleep. If I ignore my personal life (mess) long enough maybe it’ll just disappear. Nobody calls me anymore, I just get news alerts. Today the government pulled out of the Cease-Fire. Sometimes I just want to put my head down and cry.
Because I love the LTTE. Or more specifically, because I’m a kid (eh?) and I have a lot of dreams. Or I did. I dunno what they’re called when you’re older and you forget all the really cool parts. Ideas. I like the Internet. I can be borderline evangelical about it, in my own self-centered way. I believe in progress, I believe in perfect information, I believe in the Singularity. I like Sri Lanka cause it’s growing and it will grow into something kick-ass. I was willing to invest my life here. I still think the strategy is fine. Execution has just gone a bit, shall we say, FUBAR. I came back because the Cease-Fire. Because peace gives you a bit of time for dreams. But now we’re back at war.
I can feel it in my head. There like a dusty computer fan, an asthmatic hum, belying some terrible heat underneath. People are dying tonight, people are being tortured. I get body-counts from the Media Center For National Security, like a cock-a-doodle-doo. It’s LTTE and I guess that’s cool, but wait, it’s not. Cause this isn’t a sport. Counting bodies is a fundamentally shitty way to keep score. CAUSE KILLING HUMAN BEINGS IS BAD. I was just saying that for myself, so I don’t forget. Let me say a few things more, they seem to be slipping away. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TORTURED. BEING TAMIL IS NOT A CRIME. MERVYN SILVA SHOULD NOT BE A MINISTER. MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL PEACEFUL AND HAPPY.
If it’s not that, it’s worse. The LTTE blew up a bus in Slave Island, killing four five. The Tigers are just so pathetic now. They’re just this horrid cult of death and tyranny. They probably killed MP Maheswaran, in Temple. Easy enough since the government reduced his security detail to one (from 18). Yes there are two guards, but only one at a time. Another Tamil MP (Mano Ganeshan) fled because he feared for his life, and the government reduced his security too. Maheswaran stayed, and now he’s dead. I think it’s government manslaughter at least. According to Shakthi TV he said
“My life is increasingly at risk after the reduction of my security from 18 personnel to only one. Even state intelligence has established that there are threats to me. Therefore, the government should take full responsibility,” UNP MP T. Maheswaran told the media just three days prior to his murder.
To quote Goat Boy Rajapakse
But Maheshwaran had not asked for enhanced personnel protection, Defence Ministry secretary Gothabhaya Rajapakse, who is also President Mahinda Rajapakse’s brother, told our sister news website, Vimasuma.com.
Somebody’s lying. Let’s just say it’s the dead guy, who gives a fuck. Maheswaran was going to present a report on January 8th, detailing the death and kidnapping squads in the North, staffed by Colombo. He said he was going to point to powerful peeps in Colombo behind the paramilitary goons, probably Dougie Dave and EPDP. He said 6 people a day were killed in Jaffna a day, by these paras.
I dunno. I just know there’s people dying. You can’t hear this stuff all the time and not have it affect you. It’s karmic pollution. I’ve been reading the news now and it’s just all shite. Mihin Lanka staff (the President’s pet airline) had to try and physically push an Airbus on the tarmac after Sri Lankan withdrew ground support (they’re owed 1 million USD). Hells, they could just take up a collection at the airport. We’re paying for it anyways. The Central Bank has given up on controlling inflation, according to Chief Accountant Nivard Cabraal. In international news, 300 Kenyans were burnt alive in a church.
Paul Simon has a song called ‘Born At The Right Time’. It’s not about me.
This is highly dubious. Miss Travel is a travel/social networking site that connects ‘Generous’ and ‘Attractive’ travelers. To, like, travel together, I guess. It all seems a bit like arranged prostitution and trafficking. This is part of a broader online trend to connect rich men to younger, attractive women. Sites like 
Sri Lankan domestics never say anything, they just stop coming. My maid just stopped coming and when I finally pressed her she said I needed to get a washing machine. I was hoping to ride this one out, but I’ve run out of underwear and I have no choice. I finally caved and bought a washing machine, from 
There’s nothing wrong with pornography, but there’s a lot wrong with porn. Nothing wrong with watching people have sex, but too often that sex is brutal, senseless and coerced. I mean how many couples are coming on each others faces every day? Hence, philosopher king Alain de Botton – after calling for a 
Sri Lanka is going to start offer 
Oh, shit. BTW, the guy who shot Maheswaran was shot in turn by Maheswaran’s bodyguard. He was taken to hospital and he has been identified. He’s not from the LTTE according to this report:
“His name is Thomas Collin Valentine alias Wasanthan.
Wasanthan is a long time residence of Colombo and worked as a bodyguard of Minister Douglas Devananda while being a member of Ealam People’s Democratic Party (EPDP). Later he joined the state intelligence wing and worked there for five years.”
http://lankaenews.com/English/news.php?id=5149
Does anyone know the credentials of lankaenews?
Indi, about this kenya thing, I had lot of Kenyan friends. Kenya has a similar political system like Sri Lanka. See how both countries get fucked up. This executive presidency thing is the main fucking reason, when you consider the current situation ,anyone who gets the power will be as corrupt as the previous one. A kenyan friend called me, he told me that people are killing each other on the streets, do you know why? just because the guy who was in power for the last 10 or so years doesn’t want to accept his defeat in the latest election. How pathetic, innocent people, get killed, just because of a big headed idiot………What happen in Kenya will happen in Sri Lanka soon (4 more years or less)
Something else that Kenya and Sri Lanka have in common apart from an executive presidency and violence, is a history of British colonisation and politicians using the system to favour certain ethnic groups. The incumbent president favours the Kikuyu people. That’s why the rest of the tribes are so pissed off.
would it have been better if you stayed in Canada or US? do you regret returning and deciding to have a life here?
No. I have regrets, but not about coming to SL. It’s still a good life here
I think we should not worry, we should stay calm, yes there are bombs going off all over the place, but then we are used to it. The war started one day, its bound to end, may be it will end this year according to our president. We should think positive, may be the ending of the cease fire is the first step in ending the war.
Oh god, what am I saying? We are FUBAR!!
don’t worry about girls machan.. you can always get one.
Indi maha wanachara ballek – wesa ganu passe yana ekek – okath ekka kellanta inna ba….
“Paul Simon has a song called ‘Born At The Right Time’. It’s not about me.”
Too true, my friend, way too true. Isn’t it sad that the only place in the world that some of us can build our dreams on is now systematically tearing them apart? Lets hope against all hopes that we may be able to find and chase a few dreams this year and be able to come out of it physically alive.
BTW – I love the way you write Indi. Raw and to the cutting edge of your point. Very moving.
this is called bana talking.. it is not sri lanka fcuked up.. it is ranil and ltte got fcuked up. now trying all sorts of therapies to get a proper hard-on to shoot it.. and youidiots are blogging.. i mean me…nah..you
Actually, it was 50 burned alive, but who’s counting anyway :(
wish you a good 08: here’s hoping it will be better than 07, and that we live to see it
Maheshwaran was killed by the EPDP (Douglas all the way). Well, most Tamils feel this way (and is probably the truth). Douglas is also now a good chum of Mahinda for sorting out the TMVP leadership with the assistance of K.T.Rajasinham. The subtle Jaffna Tamil- Batticaloa Tamil divide is now more pronounced than ever.
All the best to you and all Sri Lankans for a peaceful (yes, I am an optimist) 2008
Hi Indi,
I hear its Kottu’s 1000 day birthday. Congratulations and thanks so much for building a great site like that.
Indi is a member of Ranil’s PONNA club – no girl wants to be with him..
Look at Indi’s photo here – doesn’t he look like a real PONNAYA? What do you think.. shall we have a poll on this – DO YOU THINK INDI A PONNAYA?
lol, yes Indi you do see like “dahata arang ceeyata dunna waga” lolo
Indi has evolved to an ordinary Sri Lankan
As I have been out of Sri Lanka for past 6 years, I regularly read indi.ca for an alternative views on political and social situation on Sri Lanka. Therefore I see the remarkable transformation of Indi. Though I have not met or talked I can remember Indi the “hopeful†at the time of ceasefire and Ranil’s government talking about many great ambitions then the Indi the “philosopher†analysing Sri Lankan political and social situation and coming up with nice graphs and theories. In 2005 when Ranil lost the presidential elections I remember the Indi the “terrified†talking about half of Sri Lankans packing and hurrying to Katunayake. Meantime I think he got a pretty ordinary job in Sri Lankan corporate and spent time with lot of ordinary people or it may be the Sri Lankan corporate culture (work ass off for the company 9-11 + week ends) that changed the cosmopolitan Indi to an ordinary Sri Lankan.
LOL, that’s a interesting analysis. Anyway , where does a smart lad like you live?
Sri Lanka is fine man. Sri Lanka is as cosmopolitan as any country. True we have problems but just because the government and gov dept suck and there is a war in parts of the country doesn’t mean the whole country sucks. You better come here and bread the air a bit inside the country like in Kandy. Then rant :-|
unfortunately this is all too believable. we in the former-SLan expatland are barely over our yearly tsunami melancholy, neck-deep in our regrets of leaving etc etc, feeling guilty because we’re not involved or in touch “enough” (and wtf would that be?), and then this crap goes down. par for the course, but then again, i was first in the country in summer 2002. it was such an exciting and hopeful time that my following trip was just part of the long slow slide…
but sadly i’m preoccupied with life here. it’s hard to keep attention on this stuff. have been doing conflict work and community organizing, the opposite of my life there. i’m rambling. suppose i should just write you an email, Indi, but you mightn’t respond. i miss you and the rest of the peeps and the city and the life.
was just in City Hall here in Philadelphia and by chance happened to meet one Luxman, originally Jaffna Tamil and living in Philly these last ten years. great times chatting about Colombo suburbs and the usual nonsense–and though it’s trite, i felt closer.
Indi,
Have you slowed down the new post update rate at Kottu? Its taking a long time to update after posting and seems to be updating feed as groups.