Toilet Training
Another day at the orifice.
I do enjoy a good bog at work. If it’s not too busy and the bathroom is empty, it’s quite nice to settle down with a newspaper and shit on company time. Not metaphorically of course. Recently, however, I switched offices. My new cubicle has a window from which I can see 50 meters of ocean and some graffiti that says ‘FREEDOM’. That part is nice. The bathroom however, has become a freaking swamp. There is literally a centimeter of water on the floors at all times because people wash themselves in the sink. I give them gal looks as they’re splashing liberally over their head and shoulders and they turn the faucet off. Then they go into a toilet stall, close the door and start hosing themselves down with the bidet. Wtf.
This isn’t about johnny bathing patterns or whatever. I really don’t care how people wash themselves. The issue is decency to your fellow employees. I’m OK with a communal bathroom, but not a communal bathtub. I rent my own apartment and I understand bad water pressure. Sometimes it feels like I might as well hose myself off in the yard. But I don’t. When I was a kid my grandmother used to draw well water and just pour buckets over my head. That was fun. But I was five years old. And cute. I’m no longer that cute and I don’t don’t bathe in public anymore.
I’m not going to hose myself down with the bidet in my company office. That’s gross and disrespectful. The average company bathroom is not meant for bathing. There is no drainage. When johnnies wash their head and shoulders, that water just stays on the floor all day. It collects dirt from peoples shoes and bits of loo roll. I don’t know how they don’t understand, but when someone showers with the bidet in the toilet, the floor is covered with water. The walls are covered with water. Your coworker has to stand in your filthy water to take a bog. Why?
Those people in Distribution and Credit Management need to have a freaking shower at home and not in the sink. Now I only take emergency bogs and even that in 1cm of standing water. Last time I dropped the entire loo roll on the floor and almost cried at the tyranny of it all. I have to wear socks and a tie but my fellow employees still bathe like they’re in the river. But it’s not a river. This is a freaking corporate office with no drainage. Have some respect, eh?
This is highly dubious. Miss Travel is a travel/social networking site that connects ‘Generous’ and ‘Attractive’ travelers. To, like, travel together, I guess. It all seems a bit like arranged prostitution and trafficking. This is part of a broader online trend to connect rich men to younger, attractive women. Sites like 
Sri Lankan domestics never say anything, they just stop coming. My maid just stopped coming and when I finally pressed her she said I needed to get a washing machine. I was hoping to ride this one out, but I’ve run out of underwear and I have no choice. I finally caved and bought a washing machine, from 
There’s nothing wrong with pornography, but there’s a lot wrong with porn. Nothing wrong with watching people have sex, but too often that sex is brutal, senseless and coerced. I mean how many couples are coming on each others faces every day? Hence, philosopher king Alain de Botton – after calling for a 
Sri Lanka is going to start offer 
hee hee
rather funny
I tend to bog in office only in real emergencies. I’ve never been in an office where the standards of the lavatory were upto scratch.
I do it before work in the morning, and, if have eaten to much, one shortly after returning. Very little inbetween.
I also never try to bog on flights and long trips outstation, but the difficulty here is that waking up very early in the morning (sometimes necessary for a morning flight, geneally the case for outstation trips) is never conducive to bogging. Do the best possible under the circumstances and grin and bear until destination reached is the only solution in these cases.
btw – This is the third post, if I’m not mistaken on this particular subject on Kottu in the last month. I’m begining to see a trend here….
lol, this is exactly like in local school toilets.. you should be glad that you can even take emergency poops! coz in local schools even that seems impossible… well yeah, ppl must be toilet trained in sri lanka… and is this at Dialog?? thats messed up!
I can only enjoy bog at home,i don’t know why,if i do it at office i feel restless,make me think about the people around me,even though i can’t see them.Be careful about blogging about work place,many got fired for blogging about work place.
I’m blogging about bogging. Not work, per se.
Buy a pair of wellies Indi.
No amount of lamenting is going to change Sri Lankan behaviour. Bathing at the well for thousands of years has probably ingrained this into the genes.
and whats that? “This is a freaking corporate office with no drainage. ” in Colombo???
Another reason to grant Eelam, right Jey? Then we can all bog under a palmyrah tree.
I second that. Nothing like a good shit at office. I leave my phone on the table too.
Indi, maybe you should post this on your office bulletin board. We can offer you sympathy and solidarity here. But I don’t think it’ll be of any help the next time you need to go.
I could almost picture that…..
and it was disgusting….
Some people just don’t care…and make every possible mess and just walk out..
I try my best to avoid it, but sometimes you can’t help it. Thankfully, the World Trade Center toilets are relatively clean.
East tower or West tower Theena?
Why shit are you on a plane???
Is that the Tamil Eelam version of English, Jey? Or do you live now in the ‘nation’ of Scotland? :)
“Or do you live now in the ‘nation’ of Scotland?”
I believe the “now” comes before the “live” to make proper gramatical sense fool.
Scots believe they are a Nation just like Tamils on the island believe they are a Nation. Check it out fool:
(3rd Paragraph)
http://www.snp.org/independence
Got any other funny comments?
Coming from someone who actually thinks “Why shit are you on a plane??? ” is English, your grammatical lessons are laughable. What happened, mate? They don’t allow Tamils into school in Birmingam?
“Scots believe they are a Nation just like Tamils on the island believe they are a Nation”
Absolutely true, for once, Jey. Brilliant! In reality, neither are nations. Ha ha ha.
“In reality, neither are nations. Ha ha ha.”
I’m not sure what the LTTE used in their home made Pasilan 2000 shells in 1991, but their after effects are apparent. You need counseling Blacker. Raving lunatic.
Blacker are you on drugs???
I probably need a hit or two to understand your drivel, Jey.
East.
Depends on what floor you’re on I guess… over here on the West side the BOI toilets are a disgrace (thankfully my office is a few floors up from there) but very often you can hear the Abans cleaning crew complain about the mess at the BOI toilet/s.
Not the greatest on the East tower either, but it’s relatively better to the toilets that I had to use in previous employment places. You’d expect the BOI to be in tip top shape, but hey this is Sri Lanka after all.
Indi, could you not make a complaint/ suggestion to your HR dept.? We had a problem where the guys would sneak into the ladies bathroom for a leak and end up peeing all over the seat. We complained and the guys have been asked not to use the ladies. It worked. It may not have the same result in your office, but it’s worth a try.
One thing I’ve learned about corporate life is to pick my battles. I find projects I enjoy, cover my boss’s ass, avoid crusades.
I give people gal looks. I poop at home.
JEY, , you seems to find a reason for your dream eelam ,what ever we discuss, i really wanted to ask you this question for a long time, DID YOU GET BUTT FUCKED BUY AN ARMY SOLDIER WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG? that could explain this behavior , there are bad guys every where man, don’t hate everybody for that,try to forget that incident
For the record this comment is about as useful as Jey’s. I apologize for lowering the tone, but seriously, wtf does ‘Why shit are you on a plane’ mean? A metaphysical plane? An airplane? Wtf? Do you mean why ‘the’ shit, or the sentence addressed to shit itself? (Why, Shit, are you on a plane?)
Now now thats not very nice is it? Where on earth did you get a perverted idea like that? Unless… of course…oh dear…Shiva man I am really sorry…really I am. Glad to see you seem to have gotten over it though. Thats the spirit I say old chum, hang in there.
Regarding Eelam its something EVERYONE now has to get used to.
Its cryptic code silly.
Good grief Indi, Blacker don’t think too hard I can almost hear the cogs turning. OOOH stop it!
(BANGING MY HEAD ON A WALL)
WHY?
SHIT (swear).
ARE YOU ON A PLANE?
Happy now?
It was meant to be a joke to Tariq’s question about some towers. But the jokes lost on you super thick critters intent on thinking and blogging about pooping all day. Now F**K off .
It’s OK, Jey, banging (of any kind) will neither improve your IQ nor give you a sense of humour. So why don’t YOU curl up back in that hole of yours in the UK and stop pretending to know anything about Tamils. Ha ha. Eelam??? It’s as big a joke as you are.
Yeah, yeah WTC towers, planes… we get it Jey its just that your “joke” was rubbish and six years overdue…
Don’t know why you still bother with him Blacker, your resilience to his inane, monotonous ramblings and amputated sense of humour always amazes me… his posts are akin to a mild laxative in that they irritate the shit out of you
Ha ha I know, machan. But there’s nothing as funny as a retard, is there?
I think these exchanges are brilliant entertainment…if Jey ever disappeared in one of those white vans, everybody’s life would be a lot emptier.
Fortunately for Jey, there aren’t any white vans in the UK. At least the only ones he’ll see are the ones with red crosses on the sides, driven by men in white coats. Hopefully someone’s informed the asylum that he’s escaped.
you know whats the most annoying thing? you take a piss… an then you r in front of the mirror washing your hands… an then this guy walks in… takes a piss… an walks out without washing his fingers…. then to think you have to hold that same door knob to open the door….. fucking ass holes… wash your hands for god sake!!!
Who knows?
is this aimed at what i said earlier? if so… u do know that you have to hold the D*** while peeing rite? and who knows if you go it on your hands or not.. u may be sure, but still….. just wash your hands for the love of god.
imagine shaking hand with a person like this. we should wash our hand every time we shake hands with ppl.. hehehehe
I think Sri Lankans and other Asians have a big problem with toilets and water. They seem to liberally sprinkle it everywhere whenever they go to the toilet. I cant understand why? You would think that by now we would know how to use toilets right, without having to swim our way through the bathroom. Sometimes in fact, I would prefer to go to do my business in the open air rather than having to use some areas that masquerade as toilets! Perhaps that is why most male Sri Lankans think their whole country is a toilet and use it unashamedly as that!