Security Solutions
Iraq Green Zone checkpoint by smm1257
These are a few security solutions, some Sri Lanka specific, some general. One annoying thing in Sri Lanka is the LTTE, and another annoying thing is that all the high value LTTE targets are right in the middle of someone else. When they tried to suicide bomb Douglas Devananda it exploded in the Galle Road police station. When they tried to kill Gen Fonseka it was near Galle Face. And now they’re using claymores on fucking Dickman’s Road. These are all places I hang out and it’s getting old. I don’t think the LTTE is going to change any sooner than Al Qaida, but there are some precautions we could take. One would be to simply quarantine the politicians in a green zone where they A) wouldn’t blow up and, more importantly B) wouldn’t blow up around me. I have also tossed in my recommendations for airline security.
Quarantine
Right now Bauddhaloka Mawatha is partially closed because a couple military (I think) people live there. This means I have to drive like half a mile out of the way to get to Thumulla junction, from whence I can get to Dickman’s or Barefoot. It used to be a straight shot. Also Douglas Dave lives on Dickman’s Road (I’m pretty sure) and I have to see his convoy full of the glove pointing buggers all the time. Not only that, if there is a bomb around there there are at least two schools and a fuckload of residential traffic.
Furthermore, at night the close the Galle Road lane that runs past Temple Trees (President’s Residence) with no signage or particular warning. If you don’t know what’s going on you’d be unpleasantly surprised to find oncoming traffic in your legitimate lane. They’ve also closed the backend of Crescat/Cinnamon Grand to protect Temple Trees, which means I can’t get to the parking lot that way and adds at least 5 minutes. Furtherfurthermore, I got my car towed by the bomb squad and similar has happened to friends. It’s just a large amount of ass pain for minimal gain.
We should take all these high security buggers and bundle them into the Fort. Preferably Galle Fort. All we ever see of them is their military escort shoving us off the roads, so it’s not like they’d get more disconnected from the people. Just make something like the American Green Zone in Iraq, fortify the shit out of it and leave everyone else alone. Something like the current military compound, oh wait.
Airport Security
um, and that’s all I got locally. The next one is an airport solution me and Tha came up with over lunch. Now when you get on a plane they make you take off your belt, shoes, everything. What I was thinking is that you should just take off all your clothes, change into a jumpsuit and board the plane. In the extreme version you’d just ride the plane naked, but then you’d have to hose the seats off and whatnot. And airplanes get cold. In this case you just get issued a jumpsuit and you can pick your clothes up at the end of the flight. Of course, this would cost a lotta money for all the travellers, so you could make the jumpsuits paperish and cover them with advertising. Like, a paper jumpsuit with NOKIA all over it. And there’s your airport security.
And those are all the security ideas I have today.
Teehee! The jumpsuit idea is hilarious. Why restrict it to air travel though? Anyone coming into Colombo could also be required to change into one (they would get their clothes back on their way out). We could set up huge parking lots along the periphery where people leave their cars and board buses after donning jumpsuits. This idea solves so many crises including transportation and what to wear to work.
By the way, I heartily second the idea of segregating politicians and others on the tamil tigers’ hit list from the rest of us.
i used to think security measures in colombo were more or less useless as a deterrent against terrorists and they had more to do with pr and cbk’s excessive fear of death than security. but given the recent trend on the part of terrorists to prefer places outside colombo for the most part- kandy, ragama, hambantota – they may be having some effect.
anyway as the saying goes they only have to be right once. so there will probably be more bombs in the city.
Mate get used to it, this used to be the status quo in the nineties….even the road to our school was closed off and we had sniffer dogs in the morning and bag checks. To add insult to insult the bloody TULF offfice moved down my lane and we kept getting poked in the back by submachine guns on a regular basis basis due to running into bodyguards while playing cricket. All in a days play for us though.
Ha ha, I was just discussing the very same topic with some of my friends. What we agreed as a “Green Zone” for these Ploitico’s in J’pura. I mean it’s close to the Paliament, most of the Govt Offices are moving their, it’s the Capital of Sri Lanka, so why not?
Only prob is that our Greedy Politico’s wont settle for anything but the BEST! hey’d want a Siwimming Pool, Jaccuzi, Gym in every house. Just like CBK was planning her Presidential Palace. What we thought to over come this is, either Build em a Massive Apartment Complex or just take over “Royal Park”.
But these guys, specially the Prez needs to move out. Atleast to the freaking “Official” Residence. He’s just making an ass of himself, and busting our Petrol in traffic-jams.
C25 : If you think TULF office is bad, guess whats moving into my sweet lil ghetto? The freaking “Karuna Office”. Talk about target practice for LTTE. I think Dougy (Devananda) can rest in peace for a while. RIP aint the word… Peace of Mind. lol
Indi : Just for sake of completeness, it’s the Residences of Army Chief and Air Force offices at Baudhaloka Mw, dealing with the permanant closure. The other part of it is closed off in the night, coz of some other Politicos, like my fav Petroliam Nostradamus aka Fowzie. So it’s a bit of both miliraty and politico. And old Dougy boy is down Park Road, not Dickmans. You cant miss it. There are like 4 Guard Huts on top of the Wall.
Just to clear up. Dougy’s office is down Park Road. He lives down Layard’s Road off Dickman’s Road. His house is fairly large so both Layard’s and Elibank are guarded because the front of his house is on one and the back on the other road. Fairly posh for a beleagured bugger.
Cof25 serves you right for going to Royal…:)
Actually, I believe Cof25 is referring to CIS… which at the time was attended by CBK’s kids. Apart from a few mean-looking MF’s hanging around the school compund with all manner of concealed weapons, there was surprisingly little further disruption in addition to that mentioned by Cof25 though…
Speaking of CBK’s kids, I remember a time when we were unceremoniously kicked out of Crescat cos Vimukthi had come there. Which also brings me to the point that even if there is a green zone there will still be many places where we can’t avoid these “targets”.
‘targets’? with quotation marks?
I wasnt talking about Royal! More like a school down Gregorys Road…I did go to Royal b4 that though:)
I think mahinda has moved to the offical residence. Was on the papers some time back, besides that two buggers wearin red with pointin sticks are not there. Clear indication president’s not home :P .. his flags are missin too? it’s old Ratnasiri in Temple Trees i think.
They should have let CBK built the palace. Freakin UNPers wanted an easy target, and the Jeppas of course dont look beyond themselves. then, everyone cud have balemed it on CBK and be happy.
thankfully CBK and her kids don’t live in Colombo anymore eh? i don’t think anyone gives a toss where they go in England :)
[...] I don’t understand why these MP chaps can’t just stay at home without showing up for totally unnecessary gigs. I’m sure the tea in the respective ministries is perfectly good, why else would the bureau buggers take so many tea breaks? Ministers ought only go for extremely useful things, which I’m sure if fairly limited, and if they stay in one place it’s a lot easier to look after them and look after us at the same time. [...]
VIP security is being a big problem. I’ve sometimes wondered whether the president uses public roads anyways [after what happened to the Army chief]. But I’m sure the Green Zone idea won’t work for the whole bunch; any way this is ‘Sri’ Lanka, remember? Perhaps it would work for the highly-vulnerable anti-LTTE Tamil MP batch [Like Gouglas Dave's]. It would sure be a great favor if they could pack all the VIP’s and their headquarters off Colombo. I’m sure the country would face an instant growth in economy! I’m not against national security, but anyways we need a more ‘free’ Colombo.